Fall

Fall. Wow how that word stirs my soul. I first wrote it as the season of Fall, but then I realized that it means so much more for me. The season of Fall makes me fall. Crazy as it sounds, I fall more in love with Janie Beth as we enter the season that was so full of her, knowing that winter isn't that far away. I seek to fall more in love with Jesus as I fall back into grief. It is grief of a different phase, but I fall there regardless. I miss her still. She is in the wind as I seek to feel her in my arms because she just breezes through them. She is in the leaves falling. She was here for such a short time. Her leaves fell so quickly.

I picture my kids falling into a pile of leaves. I can hear their laughter. I wonder. But, there is a smile because I know that is what she is doing. I look at my kids and I marvel at the gifts that have been given me. I fall at my Father's feet because I feel so unworthy and thankful. I felt those first obvious kicks today, while singing in church, and I thought of Janie Beth and how church was her place to kick too. How special to have those memories. God is good!

When I was choosing Janie's decoration for her grave for the Fall, I wanted very much to have something about thanks on it. I looked for quite some time before I found the right one. I pray that I will give thanks to the Lord!

I'm not sure that anything I said in this post made sense, but that is what was on my heart.