"And the Lord your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your descendants, to love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, that you may live." Deuteronomy 30:6

but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and forever. Amen.
2 Peter 3:18

Friday, April 18, 2014

Reflections


I know of a couple women going through a very difficult time this week. One lady's mom is deathly ill and may not survive, probably won't. One lady just found out her baby will not live outside the womb, if he/she is born alive at all.

I was laying in bed last night thinking about them for quite some time. I then thought about the fact that Easter is this Sunday. How could you go to worship on Easter Sunday if your mom just died? How do you go to worship on Easter Sunday when the baby that you love so much is not going to be with you very long without a miracle from God this side of Heaven?

Finding out about this precious lady who had a horrible doctor's appointment yesterday just brought me back to mine. I thought of the songs that I sang so much during Janie's journey, Leaning on the Everlasting Arms and Because He Lives.

Because He Lives, that is the reason that I would go to worship Easter Sunday! If Jesus didn't live, then what would be the point. Because He lives, I have hope! Because He lives, I will see Janie again. Because He lives, I have comfort when a loved one dies, and I get to rejoice if they are meeting Jesus face to face. Do I still hurt? YES!!! But God....

No matter the hard time that I am facing, or you are facing. Let us not lose sight of the One who goes before us (Deut 31:3). Let us not forget that He walks with us and will not leave us (Deut 31:8). The glory of the Lord shall be our rear guard (Is 58:8) and the angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him and delivers them (Ps 34:7).

The storm clouds are raging, but the sun is always shining behind them. The storm clouds of life may be raging this Easter Sunday morning, but the Son is shining behind them. There will come a day when the clouds part and He will descend!

Because He Lives
Because He lives
I can face tomorrow
Because He lives
All fear is gone

Because I know
He holds the future
And life is worth the living
Just because He lives!!!!

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Poor and Lowly vs Power and Great Glory

And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. Luke 2:7

A lady shared with me what God had laid on her heart this Christmas season, and it really didn't hit me until today when I read it for myself. She said that Jesus came the first time as a poor lowly baby, but He is coming again and He will come high and lifted up.

When she told me, I thought it neat, and realized I had never thought about it before, but it didn't really sink into my heart.

Fast forward to today, this is what I read in my Bible...

"Then they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory." Luke 21:27

WOW!!! When I read those words, I wanted to shout "AMEN". There is just something about reading the words of God for yourself sometimes. They jumped off the page.

He is coming again, and He is coming with POWER and GREAT GLORY!!! Praise the Lord!!

I wondered as I sat there letting it all sink in, if I am living like my Savior is lowly, or still hanging on the cross; or am I living like my Savior is risen from the grave, and He is coming again in power and great glory. We have victory! The battle is already won! Am I living like it is?? I should be shouting it from the mountaintops like the shepherds after they saw the Christchild.

Now when they had seen Him, they made widely known the saying which was told them concerning this Child. Luke 2:17

They couldn't keep it in! Jesus is doing a work, and I shouldn't keep it in. He is coming again, and I need to let the world know. And not only is He coming again, but He is coming in power and great glory!!!!!

Thank you, Jesus!!!! Thank You for willingly coming to earth poor and lowly. Thank You for willingly going to the cross because then You could be raised up. Thank You that You are ready and willing to come again! Thank You for Your victory! You are awesome and have all the power. Please come quickly, Lord! We need You! In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Still

Still... it still hurts. I am reliving Janie Beth's journey as we approach her third birthday. My heart still aches. It still catches me off guard sometimes. My arms still long to hold her and feel her and kiss her and see her. I still picture her in our home throughout the day. I still see her between Eli and Joy Schelle when they are all together. I still long to go back to those days. I still throw up walls and realize too late, after a couple days of disaster in my spirit, that I am running from grief. Most of the year it is so intertwined in my life I function just fine with it, but this is her time of year. I really thought I was doing well, and I am doing better than previous years, but I am not doing as well as I thought. It still hurts.

I am thankful that God showed me part of my problem the last few days (this is only 1 of them, I have lots of work to do). I am thankful to now embrace this grief that is swirling around me and through me right now. I will learn the new step in this dance of life.

Precious Baby Girl, Mommy misses you and loves you!!!!



Abba, please come hold me up. Please fill those hurting places. Please wrap me in your love. Thank You for Your patience with me!!! Teach me the new part in my dance of life. Thank You for allowing me to be Janie Beth's mommy. I love You! In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

In Tune with God

And behold, there was a man in Jerusalem whose name was Simeon, and this man was just and devout, waiting for the Consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was upon him....So he came by the Spirit into the temple... Luke 2:25,27

and this woman [Anna] was a widow of about eighty-four years, who did not depart from the temple, but served God with fastings and prayers night and day. Luke 2:37

Simeon and Anna were in tune with God. They saw Jesus and knew Him. Most of Israel didn't believe because Jesus didn't come as they expected or do what they thought He should.

Jesus rarely comes as we think He should and He rarely does things the way we expect.

I should spend time in prayer and the Word so I am in tune with Him and won't miss Him. How many opportunities have I missed because I didn't recognize Jesus or realize He was the one moving?

I am too worried about my fleshly desires that I miss out on the Living Water. Things don't turn out quiet like I wanted and I covet the person's life that looks the way I thought mine would. Sadly, its usually materialistically, but it can even be spiritually.

I need to be satisfied with what I am given even when its not the way I pictured it. Although, I should never be satisified with my life spiritually!!! God will not be through with me until I stand before Him in glory, so I should always be pressing toward the goal of the upward call of Christ. God has a plan, and it is a good plan!

I desire Jesus to be enough; even if I lost it all that Jesus would still be enough!

"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Look at Jesus story. Is it the way you would have done things? Not me! But His story had to be that way in order for us to have eternal life.

Looking at my own story, it isn't the way I would have written it, but it is the way it needs to be in order for me to be what God wants me to be. This is the road I walk daily as I carry my cross and follow Him. I should not bemoan! He is using my road to do things I can't see. I pray it is drawing others to Himself!

As we read The Legend of the Three Trees a couple days ago, I was once again struck by the last page:
Each of the three trees' dreams came true--in ways even bigger than they had imagined! And so it is iwth each of us: if we follow God's path, we will travel far beyond even our greatest dreams.

Abba Father, thank You for my life. Thank You for the journey my life has taken as it has drawn me ever closer to You. You do things Your own way, and Your way is far better than my way! Help me to be in tune with You. Adjust my heart to be one with Yours. I want to see Jesus each and every day. I don't want to miss out. I want to expect the unexpected, and find You. I desire Jesus to be enough! Work through my life, Lord. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Leaning on the Everlasting Arms

Where do I start? It has been a while!! It hasn't been that I don't want to write, or type, or that I don't have things I want to share. I have been searching where I am to go, if that makes any sense. I started this blog to help me carry Janie Beth even though she was going to be with Jesus, then it helped me find my way in my new normal. It was a way to share my feelings and the things God was teaching me. I still walk Janie Beth's journey every day because I am her mother. She is a thread that runs through the entire tapestry of my life, but she is not the only thread nor is she the consuming thread.

So, where does that leave my blog??

I realized as I came to type this post, which I have written time and again in my head, that the title of my blog is still true. This is our journey, and I do have to Lean on the Everlasting Arms daily! I screw up!!! I realize every time I get after my kids for how they talk or do something, and then realize it sounded just like me! Man, that humbled me big time when God opened my eyes to that one. But, He did it to help me let go and let Him. I cannot do this mothering thing by myself! I must lean on Him moment by moment.

I have been memorizing Romans 12 (WOW!!). I can't get past the first verse without being amazed and challenged, but there is one verse that I really want to be a part of my life, yet I fail constantly.

Romans 12:9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good.

Love sincerely. I want to love others sincerely, like Jesus. I have also been reading through John and really studying Jesus since we are supposed to be like Him. He loved sincerely. Whoever He met, He truly cared for them. He was full of compassion. The other person came first. I want to be like that! I want to truly care for the other person with whom I come in contact with, whether they be a friend or stranger. I want to seek their good. I get stumped by this daily! I pray daily that God would love my kids through me because I can't love them the way they need to be loved. I need to lean on those arms moment by moment!

I need to lean on the arms to accept the grace and forgiveness given to me when I mess up. I can't stand around beating myself up! (I can do this very well!!!) I have to allow the blood of Jesus to truly wash me white as snow. That is hard because Satan is constantly trying to bring it back up, but I will lean and choose to listen to God!

I am not sure exactly where my blog will go as I seek His face, but I pray that it is focused on Jesus. I don't want others to see a Christian when they look at me; I want them to see Jesus when they look at me. I will cling to the promise that He who began a good work in me is faithful to complete it! I will strive for the upward call of Jesus. I will run the race. I will fall with my face in the mud, but I will get back up and keep going. I will Lean on the Everlasting Arms of Jesus because He is my coach in this race of life. He sees the obstacles up ahead. He knows exactly what I need.

At this moment, I feel as though I am in a boot camp of sorts. I believe we all have multiple boot camps in our lives because that is where God gets us ready for the race ahead. He is stripping me down right now. It hurts, and there are times I quit and have to come crawling back, but He always welcomes me open arms! He is awesome like that!!!

I am crawling back as I have been beating myself up and allowing the enemy to make just stand still. God has been showing me things, and I have felt the need to share, but I have been allowing doubt to come in which is making me stand still. OUCH! God doesn't want me to stand still, you get lukewarm that way. He wants me on fire for Him.

Abba Father, please draw me back to You! I desire to truly know You this Christmas season. I want You to strip away the excess around my heart, and make me Yours alone. I want Jesus, and I want all of Him! You have promised me life, and life to the fullest, and I am laying claim to that promise. Lord, be glorified in me. No more lukewarm, standing still, I want to be on fire for Jesus. I want to anticipate the baby in the manger. Here I am, Lord, I am Yours, and I want You to send me. Do not pass me by. I accept Your call of motherhood, and I desire to lean on Your arms as I take up my cross daily and follow after You. I want You to be my true heart's desire. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Close to the Top

My Grandfather is dying. He is 84 yrs old and was diagnosed with bladder cancer a while back. I got a text this morning that he is not doing well at all. I knew this day was coming, but I was still surprised by it. The most surprising part was the flood of emotions.

I didn't realize how close to the top my grief stays. There are many times in life when I bury it deeper, but we have just moved 4 hours away from our hometown, and Janie Beth. Therefore; my grief rose up and I haven't pushed it very far back down yet.

Janie Beth's death has allowed me to see the value of others lives in my own. You don't realize how much someone means to you until they are gone. I guess it is a blessing to realize those things before someone is gone, but I feel as though I am still too late in realizing them this time.

As I sit here typing, I am flooded with memories. My Grandaddy played a huge role in my life growing up. My parents divorced when I was 5, and he stepped in and filled most of that void. He played with us, and all of his grandchildren. He had a huge smile on his face!!! It makes me have a huge smile to remember the many days of smiling and laughing. He has a huge sense of humor!

Not only did he add fun times, but he challenged me to be better. This was not something that I can pin point, but just how he was. He expected a lot and I tried to meet his expectations. I wanted to make him proud. He is smart and I wanted to be smart too. :)

We spent a lot of time at my grandparent's house and many of my most precious childhood and teenage memories are there. I am forever grateful to my heavenly Father for providing such a wonderful earthly grandfather.

Not only am I flooded with emotions and memories, but my children are too. Sadly, they know all too well the emotions of grief, but they also know the joy. I am thankful that they have precious memories with Grandaddy too. Part of my hurt is knowing their hurt, and my mom's and her siblings.

Grief is such a long dance. There are slow times and fast times; fun times and sad times; easy times and complicated times. Grief just gets woven into our lives. It is something you don't notice after a while because it is just how your life is, but then something happens to brings it rushing to the top. It isn't necessarily bad, but it can catch you off guard.

I am thankful tho because it made me realize the worth of life again, and before the person was gone. Still later than I would hope to realize, but earlier than other times. Maybe I am learning. I am thankful that the kids and I shared some of our thanks with him last Christmas, and I am thankful for the chance to tell him again thank you and I love you.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Timothy Joseph Karr

Timothy arrived April 8, 2012 (Easter Sunday!) at 8:25 am weighing 6lb 14oz and 19in.

Now for the story of how he got here....

When I woke up on April 7 I had a feeling that this might be the day. I was contracting when I woke up and it just felt different. My sisters and little niece had spent the night Friday. Amy, Gwyn, and I were all up at 5:30, so we were just sitting there talking. At that time, we did a big family breakfast on Saturday mornings, so we got started on that after a little bit. I kept having contractions, but nothing major. (I had been contracting for 14 wks already!)

After we cleaned up breakfast, I decided to go for a walk. My sisters and I walked for a while. The contractions would get a little stronger from time to time. Once we got home, I just kept moving and doing things. :)

My sisters left, but said to call if I needed them to come back. I kept contracting but they weren't getting much harder. Finally, around 2:30 - 3:30 I decided to have my mom out to take over the kids. I called my 2 amazing friends, Erin and Tyra, and told them that we were going to the hospital, but not to come up there until I knew what they would do and if I was in labor.

So, we leave and my contractions are much stronger in the car on the way to the hospital. We get there and get up in a room and they check me. I was 6 cm. I wasn't going anywhere. I had an amazing nurse!!! My contractions slowed down while I sat in bed and signed everything and had her ask me a million questions. Once all that was done, I walked the halls.

After an hour they checked me again and I was 7 cm. I walked the halls and swayed and all in the room for another hour and a half and only got to 7.5cm. ugh! I was frustrated. I wondered at that point if I should have them break my water, but decided against it because it was nice to have contractions without pain really. The nurses had changed over and my night nurses weren't as good, but they were ok. When my day nurse, Joy, left she told me good luck and that she wouldn't see me in the morning. (Little did she know! LOL)

Of course, my doctor wasn't on call either. The doctor on call was the same one that delivered Janie Beth. I didn't care for him then, but I thought maybe it was the circumstances. (Little did I know! LOL)

So, after walking and swaying and what have you for a while, I got to 8 and then 8.5-9, and 80-90%. I got stuch tho. I was still debating about getting my water broken because at this point I really liked not having any pain!! Who wouldn't like walking around at 9 cm with no pain really!?!

At 3:30 am on April 8, I tell the nurse to call the doc to come break my water. (My water has never broken on its own.) She comes back a bit later and says that he said he would be there in a few hours. A FEW HOURS!!!! I almost started to cry! I was so mad and upset and tired. I had been contracting forever and I was worn out even if I wasn't in much pain. She told me to try and nap. They also tried to "accidentally" break my water, which didn't work, and hasn't worked before when tried.

I was so defeated that I just sat in the bed and decided I would try to sleep, which I did. Because I was doing nothing, my contractions all but stopped. In the 6 o'clock hour I got up and started moving around the room to try and get the contractions going again. I was having some but not much.

In comes my nurse from the day before, Joy. She comes and just gives me a hug. I was thankful that she was assigned to me again!

Finally, at 7:30 in walks the doctor! He doesn't introduce himself or anything. He just read my paper work and then said, "so, you want your water broken." Silly question! LOL He breaks my water and leaves.

And the contractions begin. At first, they aren't too bad, then I have to start breathing through them. They are getting the room ready. He drops and I say, ok you need to check me! I still have a lip. Well, it just goes down hill from there. I begin to lose it a bit. (It felt like I lost it for a while, but Joey tells me it was only 5 min or so.) She calls the doctor to have him come back to the room, but I can't keep from pushing so she has to have Joey take the phone off her shoulder. Timothy was born in a couple pushes into my nurses hands. :) I was perfectly happy for her to catch him. At first, I was thinking it was taking forever to get his head out because I could remember a bit of relief after pushing out Joy's head, and that wasn't happening. Then, she says he is out! His body just came on out right after his head so there was no little time of relief lol. In walks the doctor and he says, "I was just down the hall." He did catch the placenta. lol

They placed Timothy on my belly, his cord was really short. I had wanted it to pulse for a while, but it was very uncomfy for me to try to reach him as it was pulling the cord which was still attached to me! So, they asked after a couple min if they could got ahead and cut it, to which I said yes. Then, I got to hold my precious little boy. :) They weighed him and all and then we nursed.

Everything went great! I did have some hemoragging once I got to my post partum room, but after some pitocin that cleared up just fine. He only left the room a hand full of times and he was a champion nurser! We went home on April 10.

It is hard to believe that he is now 3 months old!!!! He is such a happy baby! He has allergies, both to food and environment, but his nose has cleared up and he can breathe much better now! He smiles all the time and loves to talk! (I think we are in trouble. LOL) He still does quite a bit of sleeping in the swing due to having to sleep reclined for so long from his nose issues, but he is beginning to sleep well in the pack n play too.

I will do another post with pictures of him soon. I am not at home so I don't have any pictures with me, but I assure you, he is cute!!! :)