The words... Where are the words? I am at a loss for them.
Tomorrow is the big ultrasound. I have been waiting for this day, yet dreading it as well. I am excited, yet so scared.
Sunday morning in church, I let go. I told God that I really didn't want to walk a similar road to Janie Beth's, but I was willing. I would accept that journey again. Silent tears streaked down my face, and I really wanted to run to the bathroom and just bawl! I wanted to just run into the arms of Jesus and feel Him hold me. I was vunerable. I put myself completely and totally in God's hands. I let go...
I have slowly been picking it all back up. The fear, the worry, the wonder. Why do I do this to myself??? It doesn't change anything.
As the week has progressed things in our lives have started to fall apart. AH!!! My faith is stretched thin. I fear, worry, and wonder. Things were falling apart before Janie Beth too. Will God choose to answer my prayers by having me walk through another journey of loss???
I do not know the answer to this question. Even if the ultrasound tomorrow is good, that doesn't mean that we won't endure another journey of loss because one day we will. Loss is a part of life. That is a hard reality to accept sometimes.
How Janie Beth fills my thoughts right now!
I must change my perspective!
I love the Lord, because He has heard my voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live.
WOW! Instead of looking at all that I lost. I must remember that God hears my prayers! He always answers my prayers, and I must continue to call upon Him as long as I live. He is faithful!!! He has proven Himself over and over again.
I am only as poor as I think I am! Oh Lord, change my perspective!!! Please! I need a mind renewal. You have given me so much. Thank You! Thank You for the stones that I can look back on to see your faithfulness in my life! Thank You for Janie Beth and the amazing journey her life has brought me on. Thank You for this new little one and the blessings You have in store for us through his or her life. You hear me when I call. You set my feet in a broad place. You are on my side. I will not fear. (Ps. 118:5-6) You are mindful of me. You will bless me if I fear You. (Ps. 115:12-13) May I totally trust You, for You are my help and my shield. Who is like the Lord our God, who dwells on high, who humbles Himself to behold the things that are in the heavens and in the earth? (Ps. 113:5-6) What a mighty God!!!! No one but You can truly behold both things on earth and in heaven. You care about each and every thing. Thank You for caring about every detail of my life! I love You! May You continue to be glorified in my life and through my life. In Jesus' name, Amen.