The best gift that Janie Beth gave me was the gift of me. Due to her short stay with me here, I have searched myself over multiple times. I felt that I wanted to be different, but I didn't know how I wanted to be different. (Crazy sounding I know!) I have just been praying for God to mold me and change me. That is it, nothing in particular because I didn't know what my particulars were.
I have to say that God answers my prayer!!!! He knows what I need before I do, or He knows the specifics when I only know the generals. God is molding me into the person I want to be.
The Proverbs 31 woman seems like an impossible person to become; and she is if you try by yourself. I am far from her right now, but I feel like God is molding me more and more.
I see now that I am called!! I am called to be a wife and mother. Janie Beth showed me my calling. :) Does that mean that God won't call me to do other things? No! It just means that right now that is my main calling and focus and anything else must fall in line with that. If something doesn't encourage that calling then it must go.
Embracing that I am called to be a wife to Joey and a mother to my children has freed me in a way. God equips us for the things that He calls us to; therefore, I am not only called but I am equipped to be the wife and mother my family needs. This is scary too because I know I fail more times than not, so I am trying to do it on my own. My "self" gets in the way!
God is showing me to cherish my family; to nurture my family. I mourn Janie Beth every day. Now, I am going to enjoy her gift to me! I am going to enjoy my earthly family every day because she has given me a new vision of them. Had I not been on this journey, I wouldn't have taken the time to seek God and look deep within myself.
Growing up, I always wanted to be a wife and mother. God has blessed me with those desires! Now, He is showing me how I am to fulfill those roles. He is helping me use our money wiser by couponing. I am even stepping into the world of cloth diapering to help save us money in the long run! (I am very excited about this. :)) He is teaching me how to feed my family better. This is a bit overwhelming right now! I am trying to get back into the cooking/baking from scratch, and I am allowing myself baby steps. I am excited to see where God is going to take this new journey.
I have come to realize that our homeschooling/daily lives need to be different. I am supposed to disciple these children that are in my care 24/7. I must change my attitude! We are getting back to doing chores. Yes, that kind of fell off the band wagon last year! And that is OK!!! We are working on how to handle day to day things.
I am so thankful for the gift of loving my family!!!!! God is changing my heart and I am thankful! We will see what all He is planning to do.