18 Month

Hard to believe that I just typed "18 months"!!! I can just imagine how cute you would have been toddling around our house at 18 months. I do wonder what your laugh would sound like and how your hugs would feel. I also wonder just how amazing it is up there in Heaven! I can't begin to imagine how wonderful it is. I would never ever want to call you back from there. But, I do long to hold you again and hug you and kiss you and tell you "I love you". You are etched forever in my heart and you are on my mind each and every day.

I will say that I am doing well. I am happy and blessed! I still have days that are sad or hard, and circumstances that are hard. I even have moments within a good day that might take my breath away. But, overall I am in a good place. You, Janie Beth, have made me appreciate what all I have. I am amazed that God gave you to me. I am amazed that God gave me your 4 siblings to raise. I am amazed that God gave me your Daddy to walk through this life with. I am amazed at the many blessings God has and continues to give me. You have swelled my heart to overflowing, Janie Beth!

Thank You, Abba, for chosing me to be Janie Beth's mommy! It is a hard hard road to walk, but it is a road that I get to walk with You. It is a road that molds me into what You want me to be. It is the road that You have chosen for me. It is the road that I am called to, and I know that You will equip me for whatever You call me to do. You, Lord, are changing me! It is painful and hard, but necessary. Without Your calling to be Janie Beth's mother I wouldn't know You like I do, and for that I thank You! Thank You for blessing me. Thank You for getting me through the last 18 months and for continuing to get me through each and every day. It is by Your grace that I awake in the morning and lay my head down to rest at night. I love You! May You continue to break down the walls around my heart and mold me into the woman You have called me to be. May You continue to bless Janie Beth's journey through my life! In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.