Close to the Top

My Grandfather is dying. He is 84 yrs old and was diagnosed with bladder cancer a while back. I got a text this morning that he is not doing well at all. I knew this day was coming, but I was still surprised by it. The most surprising part was the flood of emotions.

I didn't realize how close to the top my grief stays. There are many times in life when I bury it deeper, but we have just moved 4 hours away from our hometown, and Janie Beth. Therefore; my grief rose up and I haven't pushed it very far back down yet.

Janie Beth's death has allowed me to see the value of others lives in my own. You don't realize how much someone means to you until they are gone. I guess it is a blessing to realize those things before someone is gone, but I feel as though I am still too late in realizing them this time.

As I sit here typing, I am flooded with memories. My Grandaddy played a huge role in my life growing up. My parents divorced when I was 5, and he stepped in and filled most of that void. He played with us, and all of his grandchildren. He had a huge smile on his face!!! It makes me have a huge smile to remember the many days of smiling and laughing. He has a huge sense of humor!

Not only did he add fun times, but he challenged me to be better. This was not something that I can pin point, but just how he was. He expected a lot and I tried to meet his expectations. I wanted to make him proud. He is smart and I wanted to be smart too. :)

We spent a lot of time at my grandparent's house and many of my most precious childhood and teenage memories are there. I am forever grateful to my heavenly Father for providing such a wonderful earthly grandfather.

Not only am I flooded with emotions and memories, but my children are too. Sadly, they know all too well the emotions of grief, but they also know the joy. I am thankful that they have precious memories with Grandaddy too. Part of my hurt is knowing their hurt, and my mom's and her siblings.

Grief is such a long dance. There are slow times and fast times; fun times and sad times; easy times and complicated times. Grief just gets woven into our lives. It is something you don't notice after a while because it is just how your life is, but then something happens to brings it rushing to the top. It isn't necessarily bad, but it can catch you off guard.

I am thankful tho because it made me realize the worth of life again, and before the person was gone. Still later than I would hope to realize, but earlier than other times. Maybe I am learning. I am thankful that the kids and I shared some of our thanks with him last Christmas, and I am thankful for the chance to tell him again thank you and I love you.

Puzzles

We love puzzles around here! We have been able to pull out our big 1000 piece puzzles since we moved because we have a place to leave them set up. It has been fun to work on them again. The last time Joey and I did them was in our first year and a half of marriage! :O The kids have also been working on their own puzzles.

Josiah has proven himself to be quite the puzzle genius!

Katie Jo does fairly well, but she doesn't last long. :) This is her newest puzzle.

Eli brings in smaller puzzles to work on at the same table because he makes pieces fit. LOL  This is his newest puzzle that he worked on with Dad. :)

When we started doing the puzzles, we knew there was one with a piece a missing. I was pretty sure I remembered which one, so we started with the other one. Then, we moved on to the one with the missing piece. Joey said we would throw it away once we were done. Then, we finished; and I couldn't bring myself to throw it away. The missing piece...

It is so much like our lives! We have a missing piece.

The puzzle looks perfect and then you notice the missing piece.

The missing piece is physically absent (sometimes barely noticable), but the colors that are within the missing piece still run throughout the puzzle! The puzzle needs every piece to look whole, but you can almost picture it there because the colors run thru the rest of the puzzle.

Janie Beth is our missing puzzle piece. (Represented by her pink lamb. :))

She isn't physically here, but her presence it still here.

Her colors run through the rest of our puzzle because without her our lives wouldn't be the same! Her colors are present in the rest of our lives!



Change

I believe change is going to be a big part of our lives in 2012. Timothy will be joining our family, we pray. We will be moving somewhere; there is a particular place we are praying for. We will get some kind of job, prayerfully in a church. We will be changing how we do things around here.

2011 was about growing in the grace and knowledge of Jesus. I will continue to pray that prayer for my family. It has blessed us immensely this year, and I am very thankful for the ways in which God has had my family grow. He is growing us in our desires and priorities.

This year I want to take that even deeper. God has been changing mine and Joey's hearts in many ways. We took the plunge this year and told the kids that Santa isn't real. They really accepted it just fine! I wanted Christmas to be all about Jesus! Last year I brought up telling them about Santa, but our hearts weren't totally ready yet. I am realizing that our focus as a family is in the wrong place so many times! Christmas is a wonderful example because everyone is focused on self. What will I get? How many presents do I have? Me, me, me! But, our focus should be Jesus and giving. We tried to implement a focus change this year, and I plan to do even more next year.

But, I don't want our focus to be on Jesus only at Christmas time! I want our lives to be totally about Him.

I have been reading through Book Five of Psalms at night before going to bed. Sometimes I only get through one verse because it touches me so much, but lately I have been stuck on the same 8 verses. I just can't seem to move beyond them.

Psalm 119:8-16
How can a young man cleanse him way?
By taking heed according to Your word,
With my whole heart I have sought You;
Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments!
Your word I have hidden in my heart,
That I might not sin against You.
Blesse are You, O Lord!
Teach me Your statues.
With my lips I have declared
All the judgments of Your mouth.
I have rejoiced in the way of Your testimonies,
As much as in all riches.
I will meditate on Your precepts,
And contemplate Your ways.
I will delight myself in Your statutes;
I will not forget Your word.

All of these verses are rocking my world, but I am really rocked by verse 10 right now.

With my whole heart I have sought You;

Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments!

Do I seek Jesus with my whole heart!?! Or is it just with the edges!?! Do I let Him have full access? Am I willing to change and let go of things I really like in order to truly be what He wants me to be? Am I wholeheartedly sold out for Jesus?

In all honesty, my answer to every one of those questions is "no". BUT!! (Don't you just love when it says, "But, God"!!!) But God is changing my heart! He is growing me. I want my answer to those questions to be a big resounding "YES"!!! I want to continue to grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ my Lord and my Savior by wholeheartedly seeking after Him.

My word for me and my family is WHOLEHEARTEDLY! This year we are going to seek to seek after God and Jesus with our whole hearts. We are going to continue to grow, and prayerfully become a family after God's own heart. We are going to change because you cannot seek after Jesus wholeheartedly and not be changed!

This will not be easy!!! I will admit that there is a part of me that is wondering if I will have to let go of things I really like. But, then I think of the amazing things God will fill that place with! Look at the disciples! They dropped everything and went. Their eyes were only on Jesus. I can feel the changing stirring in my soul. It excites me. I am thankful for a husband to go on this journey with. I am thankful that we are changing the way our children are raised. I am thankful that God has called me to a higher standard as His child. I am thankful that He will be with me every step of the way.

I told Joey last night that everything needs to be laid on the table. We have discussed this many times with regard to the church, and how they (every single church) need to revision themselves and lay everything on the table and make sure it is all honoring God and doing what He wants it to. I believe there are times when He may call us to stop a ministry that is doing well because there is another one that needs more attention or is needed more. (That is a rabbit we can chase in another post. LOL) As a couple we need to look at everything we are doing as a family and/or not doing and make sure that it is all lining up with what God wants us to do. I honestly do not know what God may ask us to stop or start, or move away from a little bit, but I do know that His plan for us is good and His will is perfect. It may hurt as we are pruned and as we grow new roots because that is hard work, but we will be so thankful we did it!

So, here we go! We are off on a wholehearted journey toward Jesus!!! :) I hope to write more about the other verses in this section as well now that I have written about verse 10a. God's word is so amazing! Alive and moving still today if we let it!

80, House Mom, Leaves

80!!!! That, my friends, is how many days of school we have accomplished!!!! Woo Hoo!!! Our goal is to get to 100 before we take off for Christmas.We finish up our school year with 140-160 days. It just doesn't take as long to accomplish everything at home. :) I hope to be done before baby gets here, and then we will take off until June or so and start next year up.

When I am done doing a few other things, I plan on getting together a Thanksgiving "unit" for the next week and a half. I also hope to start on our Christmas unit. We are doing Thankful Trees right now. Each family member has their own tree and they write things on pieces of paper (leaves) that they are thankful for and then glue them on their tree. It has been fun. I am planning on doing a Christmas Thankful Tree as well and we will write our thankful things on pieces of paper that will be ornaments.

Josiah is doing really well with his reading!! He is reading through a book about Red Foxes right now and he is really enjoying it. Math is still his strong subject, and he is breezing through it.

Katie Jo is getting better with reading. I will admit that many days I want to pull my hair out! If someone else would teach them to read, then I would take over from there. Haha!! She is doing really well with math as well. Her favorite thing is to craft. She comes up with her own masterpieces. :)

I was hoping to start drawing in Jan, but I'm not sure I will be able to get the supplies, so it may be summer before we get to that. And that is OK!!! We have slacked off on science the last couple of months. We did a little study with Chemistry, and I hope to do a butterfly garden in the spring. We will be doing history with Thanksgiving and Christmas. We will also be doing history after Christmas when we jump into "Samantha, An American Girl". I need to get started planning all that!!!

Eli is just doing his thing. LOL I'm not worried about him. He is picking up bits and pieces as he listens to the others.

We have started focusing on a verse a week to work on as a family. We started with Deuteronomy 6:4-5, then Proverbs 3:5-6, and this week we are doing 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18. I love sitting at the breakfast table going over the verses and discussing them. We started our scripture memorization with Psalm 23, and each morning we discussed a part of a verse.

I love being able to spend the day with my kids!!!!

Katie Jo came in the kitchen the other day and said she liked house moms. I asked her what that was. She said it is a mom that stays home and takes care of her kids and house. :) And she said she was glad that I was a house mom! Me too!!! If you ask me what my job is, then I will gladly tell you, "I am a house mom." :)

We have enjoyed the leaves falling! The kids have jumped in them a few times already, and hopefully we will get a few more jumps in before they are all shredded up. LOL I love when the wind blows and it looks as though it is raining leaves. What a wonderful work God has made!!!

Sorry for them being blurry! I usually do better at action shots, but they were just too fast for me that day. :)

New Orleans Trip

Our mini vacation to New Orleans was a nice little get away, but I stayed glued to my computer for updates on everything going on at home in AL. I was texting my family to keep them updated on what all was open or happening.

So, we left Thursday the 28th. We got to Birmingham without any problems, but then it took us close to 3 hours to get out of there. Mostly due to traffic, but we also stopped for lunch and at Wal-Mart. We chose to go the long way through Mobile since Tuscaloosa was hit so hard. We arrived on the New Orleans Baptist Seminary campus between midnight and 1. We piled into the apartment and got everyone in the bed. The kids were in a room with 2 single beds, so one of them slept on a pallet each night. (I should have taken a picture!) I have to say they road incredibly well!!! The DVD player wouldn't work so they spent the entire trip looking out the window, playing leapsters, or just hanging. I am very proud!

Friday Joey met with the seminary president. It was a quick meeting because Dr. Kelley's previous meeting ran over, but only the Lord knows what may have come out of it! We were going to go to the French Quarter that afternoon, but Eli decided to throw-up. Isn't that how things go!! LOL We hung out in the apartment and took a walk and played on the playground. I just have to say that the campus of the Seminary is BEAUTIFUL!!!! I could sit and stare out our window all day! And I just about did. :) Eli seemed fine and was able to eat, so we did go out to eat that evening. Then, we went on a trech to find a cord to hook up the DVD play to the TV. (It would play the movies but wouldn't show the picture.)

Our Room

The view out our living room window

 Adjusting fine to sleeping there. She looked so snuggly and she has her hand in the blanket because she pulled it up some more.

 Watching the fountain on campus

 The campus sanctuary

 Going on a walk

 The huge stingy catepillars that are over taking the campus. They were supposedly even worse the week before.

Taking a break as we walk.

 Where we ate dinner. Yummy!

 The view that evening when we got back.

We also had a lovely incident with the van. We were going to leave because Eli seemed fine and go ahead to the French Quarter but the van was making horrible sounds. So, Joey took it across the street to be fixed. We walked over to Church's chicken while we waited. They called and said it was a quick little fix, and thank the Lord we took it then or it would have been much worse. They didn't charge us! Praise the Lord!!

Everyone woke up in a great mood on Saturday, so out we went! We walked the Riverwalk and went in the mall. We went down to Cafe Du Monde. We walked Jackson Square. It was a wonderful day just spent together! God trully blessed our time together and blessed us through others! We watched a movie that night. If I remember correctly we also went on the playground.

I tried to catch the sign for this store as we drove. JOY

 This is what she looked like when we got to the parking lot. Baby in her mouth!

 Watching the boats

 The cruise ship was in the harbor. You get a perspective for how big it is when you see the 18 wheeler beside it!

 Joy was sleeping in the stroller. Wish I had thought to take off my sunglasses!

 Watching a street show

 Cafe Du Monde

 We put some on her lip for a picture. She did get some on my finger.

 The powdered sugar was Yummy!!! LOL

 Joey had just driven the stroller down the steps and this is how she road! LOL

Everyone being statues. (We saw 3 different guys doing this.)

Playground fun....

 Movie Night

Sunday morning Katie Jo thought it was a good time to throw-up. :/ We decided to not go to church in case anyone else started. We had our own little service on the living room floor. We went out on the playground again. That afternoon I was talking to my mom and the power came back on at her house. We are only a few houses down, so we knew it was on at our house too. We decided to head home a day early so the kids and I wouldn't have to kill time while Joey was at his pre-op in B'ham on Monday. We loaded up and headed out. We made it about 10-15 min and stopped for KJ to throw-up. Woo Hoo, here we go, I thought. And I was also crying because we were leaving. It was so pretty there and it was time to go back to reality. I really can't explain it.

Our worship service.

 Yes, it is hooked to her ear. LOL

 Worship isn't always serious. Ha ha!

 Joy and I were resting, and we had a couple folks join us. :)

Anyways, it all went well after that incident and we got to Meridan, MS and stopped for dinner. Do you know how hard it is to find bland fast food!?! Yep, KJ threw-up again after dinner, but that was the last time. She was able to eat corn chex without a problem so she just snacked. We got home about 9 or 9:30 that night. Thank you, Mom and Amy for cleaning out our fridge so our house didn't stink!!!! I stuck the diapers in the wash because they had been sitting all those days. It was nice to be home even if it was a mess. :)

I am thankful that we had that time away, but I also wish we had stayed. It would have been a wonderful bonding time as a family and a time to get to know our neighbors. But, the Lord blessed our time away as a family. I still wish we had selective electricity. :)