Change

I believe change is going to be a big part of our lives in 2012. Timothy will be joining our family, we pray. We will be moving somewhere; there is a particular place we are praying for. We will get some kind of job, prayerfully in a church. We will be changing how we do things around here.

2011 was about growing in the grace and knowledge of Jesus. I will continue to pray that prayer for my family. It has blessed us immensely this year, and I am very thankful for the ways in which God has had my family grow. He is growing us in our desires and priorities.

This year I want to take that even deeper. God has been changing mine and Joey's hearts in many ways. We took the plunge this year and told the kids that Santa isn't real. They really accepted it just fine! I wanted Christmas to be all about Jesus! Last year I brought up telling them about Santa, but our hearts weren't totally ready yet. I am realizing that our focus as a family is in the wrong place so many times! Christmas is a wonderful example because everyone is focused on self. What will I get? How many presents do I have? Me, me, me! But, our focus should be Jesus and giving. We tried to implement a focus change this year, and I plan to do even more next year.

But, I don't want our focus to be on Jesus only at Christmas time! I want our lives to be totally about Him.

I have been reading through Book Five of Psalms at night before going to bed. Sometimes I only get through one verse because it touches me so much, but lately I have been stuck on the same 8 verses. I just can't seem to move beyond them.

Psalm 119:8-16
How can a young man cleanse him way?
By taking heed according to Your word,
With my whole heart I have sought You;
Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments!
Your word I have hidden in my heart,
That I might not sin against You.
Blesse are You, O Lord!
Teach me Your statues.
With my lips I have declared
All the judgments of Your mouth.
I have rejoiced in the way of Your testimonies,
As much as in all riches.
I will meditate on Your precepts,
And contemplate Your ways.
I will delight myself in Your statutes;
I will not forget Your word.

All of these verses are rocking my world, but I am really rocked by verse 10 right now.

With my whole heart I have sought You;

Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments!

Do I seek Jesus with my whole heart!?! Or is it just with the edges!?! Do I let Him have full access? Am I willing to change and let go of things I really like in order to truly be what He wants me to be? Am I wholeheartedly sold out for Jesus?

In all honesty, my answer to every one of those questions is "no". BUT!! (Don't you just love when it says, "But, God"!!!) But God is changing my heart! He is growing me. I want my answer to those questions to be a big resounding "YES"!!! I want to continue to grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ my Lord and my Savior by wholeheartedly seeking after Him.

My word for me and my family is WHOLEHEARTEDLY! This year we are going to seek to seek after God and Jesus with our whole hearts. We are going to continue to grow, and prayerfully become a family after God's own heart. We are going to change because you cannot seek after Jesus wholeheartedly and not be changed!

This will not be easy!!! I will admit that there is a part of me that is wondering if I will have to let go of things I really like. But, then I think of the amazing things God will fill that place with! Look at the disciples! They dropped everything and went. Their eyes were only on Jesus. I can feel the changing stirring in my soul. It excites me. I am thankful for a husband to go on this journey with. I am thankful that we are changing the way our children are raised. I am thankful that God has called me to a higher standard as His child. I am thankful that He will be with me every step of the way.

I told Joey last night that everything needs to be laid on the table. We have discussed this many times with regard to the church, and how they (every single church) need to revision themselves and lay everything on the table and make sure it is all honoring God and doing what He wants it to. I believe there are times when He may call us to stop a ministry that is doing well because there is another one that needs more attention or is needed more. (That is a rabbit we can chase in another post. LOL) As a couple we need to look at everything we are doing as a family and/or not doing and make sure that it is all lining up with what God wants us to do. I honestly do not know what God may ask us to stop or start, or move away from a little bit, but I do know that His plan for us is good and His will is perfect. It may hurt as we are pruned and as we grow new roots because that is hard work, but we will be so thankful we did it!

So, here we go! We are off on a wholehearted journey toward Jesus!!! :) I hope to write more about the other verses in this section as well now that I have written about verse 10a. God's word is so amazing! Alive and moving still today if we let it!

Lolly

We have a special guest at our house this month. (And the kids have asked that she continue to visit after Christmas is over. :)) Her name is Lolly. Yes, my children named her. The first suggestion as Golly, so Lolly is good! She is our Christmas Angel. (You can find out more about them here.) 

First off I must say a HUGE THANK YOU to my awesome Aunt Tricia for giving us Lolly!!!!!

Each night I set Lolly up with a message of how we will give the next day. She has truly blessed our family! We have enjoyed focusing on others this Christmas season. The angels are God's messengers, and we are too, so we are trying to spread Jesus by the messages of our actions. I have made it my goal to really focus on Jesus and giving this year. Lolly has helped us to do that. We are also doing The Jesse Advent Tree. (Hopefully, next year we don't move at this time of year and I can plan better!) I pray that seeds of Jesus are being planted in my children's hearts as we seek to share Him with others.

Here are some pictures of Lolly and her messages that we have received so far...
Our first day we read her story and just talked about her and focusing on Jesus and getting excited about His birth.

 We made cards to share our thanks with our teachers at church.

 Sadly, we haven't actually accomplished this, but it is in the plans for this Thurs or Fri!

 Lolly hid in the tree! :)

 Here is her message. (We decorated a little tree for Grandaddy.)

 We wrapped 8 presents to go under Grandaddy's tree; one for each day starting Dec. 18 thru Christmas Morning.

Sunday Lolly had to rest because Mommy and the 2 youngest children were up almost all night! But, the 2 oldest and Mommy dropped off the tree and presents at Grandaddy's door and ran. (He somehow figured out it was us!)

I have to say that I am very proud of the kids for going through their toys and picking out like new things to give to children that lost everything in the tornadoes in April!!!

 We will be sharing our smiles at home tomorrow, and out and about as we drop off the toys and go visit Grandaddy since he was upset we ran and didn't stay. :)

I look forward to Lolly continuing to visit throughout the year some, and especially next December! I am thinking she will be around once a week throughout the rest of the year, but Mommy won't tell which day. :)

I pray that God will use Lolly to bring us closer to Him and make giving and thanks part of our lifestyle, being Jesus to those around us.

Merry Christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone!!!! This year is very bittersweet as we are missing Janie Beth and rejoicing over Joy Michelle. I am so thankful to have this time to celebrate Jesus' birth! Without Him I would never have my family whole again.

Trisha shared this poem on her blog.
written by a boy who died of a brian tumor


My First Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless
Christmas trees
around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars,
reflecting on the snow

The sight is so spectacular,
please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with
Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs
that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can't compare
with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you,
the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description,
to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart.
But I am not so far away,
We really aren't apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones,
You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas
With Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift,
from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory
of my undying love.

After all, love is a gift more precious
than pure gold.
was always most important
the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other,
my Father said to do.
I can't count the blessing or love
has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas and
Wipe away that tear
Remember, I am spending Christmas with
Jesus Christ this year


Here are a few pictures of the kids in their Christmas clothes...
My Janie Lamb is in the last few pictures. :) Thanks Brianna!!!!

Light of the World

This song is on Point of Grace's cd A Christmas Story
Of course I can only find the words and not the song without downloading it.
Words and Music by Brent Bourgeois


Light of the world
Shine down on Bethlehem
God in His glory has sent us a Son
Shout from on high
And out in the street
Jesus our Savior is born!

Bright shining star
Shine down on everyone
God in His mercy has sent us a Son
The shepherds will cry
Praise to the Lord!
Jesus our Savior is born!

Alleluia baby Jesus
Alleluia baby Jesus
Jesus our Savior is born
Sing Alleluia

Light of the world
Shine down on Bethlehem
God in His glory has sent us a Son
Shout from on high
And out in the street
Jesus our Savior is born!

Alleluia baby Jesus
Alleluia baby Jesus
Jesus our Savior is born
Sing Alleluia


I was playing my cd the other day and this song really struck me. The Light of the World came down at Christmas time!!! Without the Light of the World I would not be making it on this journey. His light has shown in different ways on this dark journey, and sometimes it has only been a pin size light, but there has always been light if I am willing to search for it. What would I be doing if this journey was completely dark! Jesus is the Light that shines in the darkness.
 
I wrote in my status that we would be going to look at Christmas lights tonight, and I am trying to focus on being thankful that Janie Beth is seeing an amazing showcase of lights being in the presence of the Light of the World and not being sad that she isn't here.
 
Can you imagine!?! I can't! I do not eve know how to begin to imagine what the Light of the World looks like.
 
Then, I went and read a devotional in my email and it was about Jesus being the Light of the World and slowing down like Mary and focusing on Jesus. It suggested preparing dinner, eating dinner, and doing the dishes by candlelight. Then, discuss 1 John 1:5, "God is light and in Him there is no darkness at all." Afterward, go look at Christmas lights with some hot chocolate.
 
What a wonderful way to remember that Jesus is the Light! We are going to look a Christmas lights tonight and we may very well be in candlelight tonight!
 
In this world we live in, we are in major need of the Light!!
 
Father, teach me to never miss Your light!

A Moment

I all of the sudden felt the need to cry, to bawl. Why? What brought it on? I do not know for sure. Maybe it is...

the fact that a dear lady just had a miscarriage

the fact that my kids talk about Janie Beth to visitors and try to show them her pictures. It touches my heart that they don't forget and they want to share her too!

the fact that we are going to look at Christmas lights tonight and Janie Beth went with us last year

the fact that I am done Christmas shopping and there is nothing for her

the fact that I saw the same "J" Christmas flag on another baby girl's grave picture on another blog, and it made me want to go sit with her and see her

the fact that we are going to meet some friends to play that I called on on very hard days in January to meet us to play (not sure why it is different this time.)

the fact that Josiah's birthday is tomorrow

the fact that I want her remembered!!! And I was overwhelmed when Joey searched his name on google and the article that was written here about NILMDTS has been published in many papers, esp Christian ones, around the United States. Janie Beth has travelled further than I have! I pray she touched many lives. Wow!!! She isn't forgotten!

the fact that a dear friend didn't forget Janie Beth!! She even remembered her when it snowed. Thank you, Erin!!!

My heart didn't start out heavy today, but it is now. Grief has a mind of its own!

Abba Father, please come in and heal my heart!! God deeper than my pain! Carry me through these days. I miss her so much! Be big, God. Please, be big! I need You in ways I do not even realize. I lean on You more than I even realize. I pray that I love You deeper than I realize. I want to love You more. Thank You for this time of celebrating Jesus' birth!!! Thank You for making a way for my family to one day be all together again! Please save each member of my family so that they can be with us in Heaven, so we can praise You all together. Please give Janie Beth an extra hug for me! Tell her I love her. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Memories

Amanda shared this poem on her blog. She received it in a Christmas card from the funeral home that did precious Caroline's funeral. How true!

"Around the Christmas table

there's an empty chair this year....
The precious smile is missing
of someone we still hold dear.

And yet our hearts are hopeful,
though the season's bittersweet,
Because we know the one we love
has filled another seat.

For another banquet table
abounds with joy and love
For those who've made the journey
to be with our Lord above. "


I remember very well sitting down to eat at the kitchen table for the first time after Janie Beth passed away, and I kept looking at the empty chair. That empty chair had so much meaning now! That chair now has a booster seat reclined in it for Joy Michelle, but I wonder what Janie Beth would look like in it sitting upright, and having a high chair in the corner.

Memories are hard! My memories are not as vivid anymore of my time with Janie Beth. I am so thankful that I wrote in her journal so that I can be refreshed of what we did each day. I can't remember the feel of her anymore, and my arms still ache to hold her little body even as they are filled with Joy Michelle's small body. I wonder just how tall Janie Beth might have been at Christmas time, and I know she would have been darn cute!

Memories are hard to make too. I was talking with some friends a couple weeks ago, and I said that I am still having trouble baking things. I just can't bring myself to do things from scratch very often, esp right now with the holidays. My precious friend said that it would be hard because it would be making memories. How true!! I hadn't thought of it like that. Part of my problem is we are making memories and she isn't here. Why baking is my issue, I do not know, but I know it will slowly come back. I have started baking some lately with pre-done mixes. Hey, it is a start!

I make memories with the kids, but all the while I am picturing what it might be like if Janie Beth was here too. When I am in the girls room, I picture her little self in there. It makes me smile as well as tear up. Then, I try to picture what she must be doing in Heaven, and I realize that it is better than I can even begin to picture! Change the perspective! (I seem to have to do this quite often. :))

There were so many dreams of the memories we would make with Janie Beth; little did we know what shape thoses memories would take.

We were reading "The Legend of the Three Trees" this morning. (A book you must have!) It talks of three different trees God created and what their dreams were.

One dreams of being a treasure chest holding beautiful things. It becomes a manger, holding the best treasure ever, Jesus.

Another dreams of being an elite ship carrying kings and queens. It becomes a small ship that carries Jesus and the disciples across the sea.

The last dreams of always staying on the moutaintop to remind people of God's creation. It becomes a cross that will forever remind people of God and what He did for us.

The last page in the story goes like this...
Each of the three trees' dreams came true-- in ways even bigger than they had imagined! And so it is with each of us: if we follow God's path, we will travel far beyong even our greatest dreams.

WOW! That is all I can say! God speaks to me even through a children's book. :)

Janie is Decorated :)

We went last week and decorated Janie Beth's grave. We waited until the warmest day of the week, Friday. :) (We are wimps in the south when it comes to cold. :))

I love the way it turned out!!!! Joey bought some of the solar lights so that there will always be light around her grave. Her light will never leave our family!

 One pink rose for Janie. Pink roses are my symbol for her.

 We must never forget to BELIEVE!

 Her special 2010 ornament. :)