Just my thoughts for today...

People have told me I am strong. I finally figured out I am the complete opposite. I have learned what God means when He says that where I am weak, He is strong. He is my strength right now. He is also the Author of my faith. God fills me each day with what I need to make it through that day. He never fails me! It is amazing what a trial does in your life. God has brought issues to the forefront that I didn't even know were there, or I had buried far down so that I wouldn't have to remember. I call this Janie Beth's journey, but it is turning into my journey of faith in the Refiner's fire. I think I am going along just fine and don't really have anything major I need to work on, and then God taps you on the head, and light bulb! You see yourself for who you really are, sin and all. Those aren't pretty pictures! God had already been doing so much in my life through the journey of church searching and having to lean on Him for everything, and now it has been taken to a whole new level. There are so many layers to a relationship with God. I am thankful that He takes the time to patiently teach me, mold me, and guide me as I try so hard to do things my way.

Janie Beth, you have blessed me beyond measure and you haven't even left my womb yet. I still pray everyday that she would get her miracle on this side of heaven, but I also pray that God would do what is best for her and us. We go to the OB on Monday, and probably the Neonatal as well. I am praying for wisdom for us and the doctors. I would really like a little more watching of her and how she is doing. I don't feel like I have grown in the last couple weeks, so I am anxious to see what I am measuring.

I love this time in the afternoon when all the other kids are in bed and Janie Beth and I just sit on the couch. She is moves around a lot and I get to just enjoy her. There are days when I wish my belly was see-through so that I could see her. It is nice to take time out to just be with her and relish her presence.

Thank you all for the many prayers!! They are greatly needed and appreciated. God is so gracious to us!

Living the Experience

I just wanted to ask everyone to check out Joey's new blog. I know he would love to have more than just me read it. :) I am blessed to have him as my Beloved! I love you, Babe!!!

http://drjoeykarr.blogspot.com

Males and females are so different in the way we manuever through life, especially the trials. It helps to see both sides.

Clean and Routine

It is amazing what a clean house and getting back into a routine does for your spirit!! My house hadn't been vaccumed in over a week and the kitchen floor had several days worth of sweeping on it. Now, they are clean and I am feeling refreshed. In order for us to vaccum, we super clean up toys, so things are looking good for today. There are some football men and tools on the livingroom floor right now, but that is ok because the carpet is clean. :) We are just hanging out today. The kids enjoyed playing together this morning (I am praying it continues this afternoon.). The clothes are almost done; the dryer is probably done, but I am settled on the couch with my big watered down lemonade, my computer, and the phone. That will be my last load for today, and I am determined not to leave it in the dryer like I did the whites over the weekend. :)

As I was cleaning some thoughts came to mind. We also have to do spiritual house cleanings. My house is easier to clean when I do a little each day and keep up with the little things. My walk with God is the same way. It goes much better when I do something every day and keep up with the routine things. We try to clean the kitchen everyday and keep the toys picked up everyday, and we do laundry of some kind every weekday. In my walk with God, I need to pray, read my Bible, and spend time listening to Him everyday. How cluttered does my spiritual house get when I don't do this!?! You don't want to know! I believe with all my heart that doing those everyday things for my spiritual house are what help me when life doesn't go the way I planned. If I didn't do the everyday things in my house, then when life gets chaotic it would get a wreck. Doing the everyday things in my spiritual house as well as my structure house, keep me refreshed and clean. It takes longer to get my house clean when I don't the little things everyday, and it takes longer to get my spiritual house clean when I don't do the things needed everyday.

We all function better in our house when we stick with our routine. We have gotten away from doing our chores everyday and just following our regular structure. This week we are going to try to get back in the swing of things. We were going to start back into school today, but our cleaning took a little longer since it had been a while. So, that is on the plate for the rest of the week. I think Josiah is ready to get back also. We need to know that life keeps going even when it isn't going the way we had hoped. It is instead going the way that is best, according to God's will. I am so thankful that He knows what is best for us, and for Janie Beth.

I hope you all enjoy a nice clean and routine day soon. :)

Reality

Reality is what has hit me the last couple days. I found some people online who have walked this same journey, and it makes it all hit too close to home sometimes. I am thankful to have found them, but sad for the reason I have found them. Reading their stories has helped me know some questions I need to address with my OB, and has made me realize we will probably deliver in early January. I am praying we get through the holidays. I really want to have this Christmas with Janie Beth.

There is a funk over our house right now. The kids are fussy and clingy. I pray daily for wisdom in leading them through this journey. They are the ones that make my heart break. I am so thankful that God doesn't give them, as well as me, more than we can handle with Him by our side.

We talked about the Refiner's Fire in Sunday School this morning. We are in several fires right now. I am thankful that God knows what He is doing! Because I sure don't. :) I am excited to see the flowers that He is going to bloom from the road we are on. He is going before us like the headlight on the train in the dark tunnel. I am so thankful that He is watching us and will not take His eyes off of us while He has us in the fire. And then, when He pulls us out, we will be the reflection of Him. WOW!!! I know right now my reflection doesn't look much like His. The fear, worry, and selfishness creep in all too often. But, I am learning that my God is faithful no matter what!! He has shown me that throughout my life and He is showing me on an even deeper level now.

I am so thankful for all of the prayers on our behalf! They mean the world to me. I am thankful for all the hugs I get, and the outpouring of love from others. These are the realities that I am going to hang on to in the days to come!!!

Lord, may my reality be formed from Your perspective! What a difference Your perspective makes over mine. Thank You for your patience with me as I stumble down this road less travelled. Thank You for Your gentle reminders as I sat in church this morning. Lord, refine me through these fires and make me an image of You. Be glorified through Janie Beth's journey! You have great plans for us; plans for prosperity, a future, and hope. May You bless us and keep us. May You make Your face to shine upon us and be gracious unto us. May You lift up Your countenance upon us and give us Your peace. Father, thank You that all things are possible with You. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen

I continue to have good moments and bad moments, and I am so thankful for the fellowship of other believers on Sundays. God is so good to me!!

May you find God's reality today in the trials you are facing and focus on Him. What a difference it will make in your life.

Love always, Michelle

Dress and Lamb

Here are pictures of Janie Beth's dress and little pink lamb. You can't see the dress well in the full shot, but you can in the close-up. It is a very pale pink.

Band Concert

Tonight was my littlest sister's first school band concert. She did an awesome job!!! Janie Beth was still during Abby's performance. I guess she was listening. But, then she had a good time listening to the other bands. I very much enjoyed the evening of getting to feel her moving so much. She fits right into the family with her love of music. We will have to get her to a choir concert so we can see if she prefers the band like Dad or the choir like Mom. :)

I just wanted to share a good memory with you all after my last post. God is so gracious to me!!

Terminal

What a word!!! It really got to me. My OB called today to let us know what the paper work from UAB said and to give us the number for the Neonatalogist. He said that the paper work said Janie Beth was terminal. WOW!!! That is hard to process. It means the exact same thing as she won't be able to survive, but it is such a precise term. Although, they said that she may surprise us!!!! A better way to put it would be: God might surprise us through Janie Beth's life. It is hard to grasp that someone who moves around inside me, may not be able to do the same outside of me. To talk about her possible death and/or funeral, is so difficult when she kicks and moves around inside. She is very much alive right now!! I pray that if she doesn't get her miracle until heaven, that we will get some time with her here before she goes to heaven. The kids, as well as Joey and I, really want to hold her while she is still with us. I pray that she can grasp my finger, and look at me. I don't know God's plans, but I trust that they are what is best for us as a family. To trust God completely is not always easy!! I must choose it every day, sometimes every hour or even minute because I would love to scream at Him sometimes. Not that I am really mad at Him, although there are times when I am sure I will be, but that I didn't invision my journey in life to be this way. But, how often has my journey gone they way I thought!?! A friend once told me that if she had written out everything she wanted in life, then she would have short-changed herself, because what God wanted for her life is so much better. God is going to have some amazing flowers bloom out of this journey! Most of all, I pray that lives would be saved and people drawn deeper with God, my Father.

Thank you for the hugs I got today, and to everyone who asked me how I was doing, and for the many prayers!