Terminal

What a word!!! It really got to me. My OB called today to let us know what the paper work from UAB said and to give us the number for the Neonatalogist. He said that the paper work said Janie Beth was terminal. WOW!!! That is hard to process. It means the exact same thing as she won't be able to survive, but it is such a precise term. Although, they said that she may surprise us!!!! A better way to put it would be: God might surprise us through Janie Beth's life. It is hard to grasp that someone who moves around inside me, may not be able to do the same outside of me. To talk about her possible death and/or funeral, is so difficult when she kicks and moves around inside. She is very much alive right now!! I pray that if she doesn't get her miracle until heaven, that we will get some time with her here before she goes to heaven. The kids, as well as Joey and I, really want to hold her while she is still with us. I pray that she can grasp my finger, and look at me. I don't know God's plans, but I trust that they are what is best for us as a family. To trust God completely is not always easy!! I must choose it every day, sometimes every hour or even minute because I would love to scream at Him sometimes. Not that I am really mad at Him, although there are times when I am sure I will be, but that I didn't invision my journey in life to be this way. But, how often has my journey gone they way I thought!?! A friend once told me that if she had written out everything she wanted in life, then she would have short-changed herself, because what God wanted for her life is so much better. God is going to have some amazing flowers bloom out of this journey! Most of all, I pray that lives would be saved and people drawn deeper with God, my Father.

Thank you for the hugs I got today, and to everyone who asked me how I was doing, and for the many prayers!