9 Months

It was 9 months ago today, on January 10, 2010, on a beautiful afternoon that we celebrated Janie Beth's life and buried her precious little body. It was a cold day! We decided not to go to church that morning and instead we went to breakfast at Ryan's. We just spent the morning together as a family and had a little rest time before going to the church.

It was a beautiful ceremony! We praised God and celebrated how Janie Beth had touched out lives up to that point. I can close my eyes and picture it all like it was yesterday. I will never forget watching Joey carry Janie Beth's casket everywhere that it went. He brought it in the sanctuary, he carried it out, and he carried it to the grave. She was very proud of him, and I know she still is.

My heart hurts for her today. I long to hold her and kiss her. I miss her so much. Her 9 month birthday and heavenly birthday snuck by me in September, so I am aching today for my baby girl.

I cannot believe that it has been 9 months. It had not occurred to me that the 10th would fall on a Sunday again. her birthday and heavenly birthday have both fallen on Tues and Wed, but this is the first time anniversary of her celebration has fallen on the same day of the week. This coming after attending Joey's Dad's funeral this week in the very same sanctuary.

Jim's funeral was not as hard as I thought it might be. The hardest part was going into the sanctuary and seeing the casket open for the family to see and say good-bye. I was flooded with seeing Janie Beth in her casket and it brought tears to my eyes. The other hard part was walking out behind the casket. Thankfully, we did walk down a different aisle, and this time I got to hold Joey's hand since he wasn't carrying the casket. Of course, singing the couple songs got to me because they brought Janie Beth so close to my heart. Singing does that to me! It also brings me closer to God. There are not many Sundays that go by that I do not have tear stained cheeks. :)

This Sunday, 9 months later, I sit will my belly swollen and moving with another precious little one. I am at home and not in church as we are trying to keep Joy Michelle in my belly for a bit longer. I had a nice quiet time with God, and He is once again teaching me and molding me. I am excited to see what He does in my heart! There is a Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep balloon release this afternoon for the families that have used them over the last 2.5 years. This year is not my year to get to go. I long to be there among other families that know the ache in my heart, but I believe our family is going to head to Janie Beth's grave this week and have our own little balloon release as we did not too long after she went to Heaven.

I know that in God's time He will open doors for me to reach out to families that sit where I sit. He isn't done healing me and changing me yet. I am amazed at how this pregnancy has been hard and healing at the same time. God is a Big God!!! He is so patient with me. Thank You, Abba!

I want to share a few pictures from January 10, 2010. A day that will forever be etched in my mind. A day that God blessed despite overwhelming sadness.