25 Weeks Preggo

I am now a little over 25 weeks. WOW!!! Time has flown, which it tends to do even more as I grow up. :)

If you have been around a while, then you know that my last 3 pregnancies have not been without issue, and I was really praying that this one would go smoothly with no issues. But, that is not the case. :) God tends to have to put me on my behind to teach me! I want to wholeheartedly seek Him this year, so He is giving me ample opportunity to start the year on the right foot. :)

I started contracting more around 21 weeks or so, but that is my normal time for the braxton hicks to pick up, so I really wasn't worried about it. But, then at 23 weeks I started having pressure. AH! I thought that maybe I had been on my feet too much, so I decided to see how I felt after a good night's sleep. The next morning was also Janie Beth's birthday. Not a day I particularly wanted to go to the doctor! The morning started out feeling ok, but as it went on the pressure built up. We were going to lunch for Janie's birthday and then to the cemetary so I called my doc on the way into town. They wanted me to come right in since we were so close since I was feeling as tho he was going to fall out! To say I was nervous is an understatement!!!

Of course, my doc was at the hospital delivering so I saw the nurse practitioner. My cervix is short, but that is to be expected when you are expecting your 6th child. It is essentially closed, but she wrote me as 1 cm dilated. (I was 1 cm at this point with Joy also.) He is sitting low tho, so figured that was the cause of the pressure.

I was put on modified bedrest and given some bp meds to take to keep the contrax away, and told to keep my appt for the next week.

So, that brings us to today. I spend most of my time sitting around. My crockpot is getting a work out. I try my best to not have to take the meds because they make my bp really low since it already runs low. I have lavendar essential oil that keeps my contrax at bay if they start up. The pressure is actually caused by pelvic congestion. :( I have issues with it at other times too, but this is the first time with pregnancy. It seems to be getting a little worse with each of the last few pregnancies. I have been doing quite a bit of googling if you couldn't tell. LOL

This sitting around has given me the opportunity to seek God and His will for our lives. I am researching Real Food and Essential Oils right now, as well as vaccines. :) Very interesting stuff!

I have also been wrestling with fear this pregnancy. There are several outside factors that are present with Timothy's pregnancy that were present with Janie Beth's. I won't go into all the details but God and I are wholeheartedly conquering this fear. :) I am excited!!!

Timothy seem to be growing just fine! I have gained 10 lbs, and my uterus was measuring 25-26wks at 24 wks. I got back at 28 wks for my glucose test and I will see the doctor at that visit. After that I will be going every other week!!! That is crazy! I can't believe I am already at that point!

Timothy's bassinet is up in our room (mainly b/c it is easier to store it there LOL), and he has a few onesies and bibs in my drawer. He was also the recipient of some adorable cloth diapers from my sister for Christmas!!! I also bought him a cute little lovie and he has a very special blanket from his big sister Janie Beth! One of the blankets in her NICU crib is cream with 2 little animals and I decided while I was pregnant with Joy that if she was a boy this blanket would be Janie's contribution, so it is Timothy's first official blanket. :)

Timothy is also referred to as T.J. quite often around here. Unless you are Eli :) because he can't seem to remember either one and has to ask, "what is the baby's name in your belly I can't remember"? :) Eli got to feel Timothy the other day and he often tries to feel him. It is really sweet. All 3 of the big kids are very excited for Timothy's arrival!! Joy pats on my belly because the others do and laughs. LOL I am trying to tell her Timothy is in there, the baby. We shall see.

Timothy is already very much loved!!! I love to feel him move around! I would just sit there and feel all day if I could. :) Altho it gets a bit uncomfortable when he decides to try coming out my belly button. :P

I managed to get a belly picture the other day when a friend came to visit with her camera!!! My camera was dropped by a precious child of mine and will not work anymore. :(

So.... here I am, and I will add a pic of the bassinet. We buy ribbons for each of the kids at the hospital that have bears and rattles on them, and I pulled the bears and rattles off and put them on a shelf above the bassinet. Janie's bow didn't have a bear because Joey couldn't remember if we got the ones with bears or not, so hers is a white lamb that I had. The back of each animal has the part of the ribbon that has their names and stats glued to it. Janie Beth's blanket and other white lamb also hang over the bassinet just a it did Joy's. :) The animals on the shelf are in age order. :)

And God...

So, I'm going to be completely honest. I have not been in the best place lately. I have felt as though I am standing in the mud and I am surrounded by fog. The mud is weighing my feet down where I don't feel as though I have enough energy to take a step, and I don't have a clue which way to take a step because the fog is so thick I can't see more than a few inches in front of me.

How did I get here? I am not totally sure, but I know it doesn't take long to get here. You just have to stick your toe in the crack of the door and before you know it the door is wide open. I think there are several things that have contributed. For some reason I have more nerves this pregnancy than my last pregnancy. I think a lot of this stems from the fact that life is so uncertain right now. Which is another contributor. We are coming up on 3 yrs without a job in November. I am amazed that we have been in this place for this long!!! I am weary. I long for God to open a door; to shed some light; to be Big! I feel forgotten. I wonder if our lives will be like this forever. (When I let my thoughts start running away like this, it is so easy to spiral down!!! I need to find my trusty Bible verse notebook to pull out during these moments!)

I also feel as though I have stopped cherishing life. I have built my trusty walls back up!! This makes me so mad because I really thought God and I had done some work on tearing them down after Janie Beth died. I pray that they are not as thick this time, and though the battle will be hard, we will begin to tear them down for good this time. These walls affect most every area of my life, and I am ready for these chains to be broken once and for all! I think the hugeness (is that even a word LOL) of this battle has been looming before me and instead of going into it, I have been running. :O This, of course, pushes God away! It starts a horrible cycle! I run, so I don't do my prayer and quiet times, so I distance myself from God and feel more alone, so I run harder because there is no way I can fight this battle without Him and He is not close enough, so then I do less prayer and quiet time, ect. ect.!

I admitted to a couple friends tonight that I haven't been doing my times like I should, and I guess being open with others convicted me more! Then, I went and read an amazing blog post (here). It spoke to me down deep. I decided I was off to spend some time with God and read Psalm 113 for myself. Well, I should have known God would have other plans. :)

I opened my Bible to the Psalms. I was flipping back to find 113 and came across some verses that I had underlines in Psalm 138. BAM! There was God!!! He was waiting for me. He has been waiting ever so patiently for me to realize the error of my ways and run back to Him instead of away from Him.

Verse 8  The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever; do not forsake the works of Your hands.

WOW!! God is going to perfect that which concerns me!!!! He knows everything that is going on in my life. He knows my deepest desires and fears. He is going to perfect that job He has for our family. He is going to perfect His call on my life. He will help me tear down these walls!!! I already have victory in Jesus, so I should not fear failure. Setbacks, yes, but ultimate failure, no not unless I choose to quit the battle. God has a purpose for my life. He knows the kind of woman, wife, and mother I want to be, and He wants even more than that for me! He will do it! His mercy endures forever as I fall and trip and stumble throughout the battle. He will uplift when I fall and catch me when I trip. He will give me all that I need. He is working! We are going to conquer this promise land that He has for me! What a Mighty God we serve!!!! He will not stop working on me until I get to Heaven.  Thank You, Father!!!!

Father God, more than anything I ask for Your forgiveness for my fear and my running away; for my lack of faith and my selfishness. May You wash me white as snow through the precious blood of Jesus. Pick me up and wipe me off. My life is still surrounded by fog as I have no idea what the future holds or what steps You have next for us, but I will stand on Your promises. You are working all things together for our good and Your glory! You are never going to leave us! You are going to do exceedingly abundantly above all we could ever ask or think. I am ready for the battle, Father. I will put on Your armor. I am ready to attack these walls and be free from the bondage and live my life to the fullest through Jesus Christ. I am Yours! Mold me, fill me, use me, change me! Thank You for loving me so much! Thank You for waiting for me. You never moved, only me. You stood firm gently calling. Thank You!!! I need You. Thank You that You are going to perfect that which concerns me!!! You are Awesome! You are Mighty to Save! I love You, Abba!!! Draw me close to You. I want to fall more in love with You. Thank You for this battle so that You can do just that in my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

April 25, 2012

That is our official due date!!! We are 9 wks 1 day today. Baby waved at us during the u/s :). We saw both arms and legs and everything looks good. I really could cry! Tears of gratitude that God gave me the desire of my heart. Praying all continues to go well.

Here is a picture of our cutie! For some crazy reason blogger loaded it sideways! The head is on the right. 

Tears...

Tears have been so close to the surface for me since Wednesday! Not tears of pain tho; tears of joy. I am completely overwhelmed with emotion. God has brought me on such a journey since we learned of Janie Beth's condition. He has changed me in so many ways! He has called me to the awesome call of motherhood! (Yes, I know I already had 3 children, but I hadn't answered that call yet.) Having Joy Schelle brought me even deeper in my journey as I continued to look at my heart and ask God to make me what He wanted. He knows the desires of my heart, and the fact that He delights in me and wants to give me the desires of my heart brings tears to my eyes!!! He was so gracious to give us Joey Schelle, and I am thankful beyond words that He has chosen to bless my womb again!

I was asked the question if I thought this pregnancy would be easier since having Joy Schelle. Let me tell you, this has been on my mind ever since!!! I have been pondering it in my heart constantly. I think in some ways, maybe many, it will be easier, but I also know that in some ways it will not. Pregnancy is all, almost, that I had with Janie Beth, and there are points in my pregnancy that are hard and flood me with memories! It isn't only Janie Beth's journey that makes pregnancy hard. I have had 2 early miscarriages and I know that I am not exempt from having more. Getting out of the first trimester brings relief, but then the "big" ultrasound looms ahead. It is not a gender u/s for me. It is an is my baby fit to survive outside the womb u/s for me. It is a chance to make sure every part is in fact there and it is working the way it should u/s for me!!! Then, once I hit 28 wks is when Janie Beth's memories really hit. I just try to enjoy and cherish every moment!! I don't want to have any regrets. I am not sure exactly how this journey will go, but I know it will be different that Joy Schelle's pregnancy.

I am filled to overflowing! I have to pray constantly and give things over to God daily, and sometimes hourly. I am still trying to lay all at His feet and completely trust Him. He is the One that is really in control! His plans are good and He will be glorified!!!

Thank You, Jesus! Thank You, Abba! You are awesome and gracious; merciful and loving. I love You! May You be glorified through this pregnancy. May You continue to form this precious little one in Your image. You watch each and every part being formed and make sure everything is exactly as You want. It brings tears to my eyes to know that Your hands are working so majestically in my womb! I stand in awe of You! You are powerful and mighty; You do great and unsearchable things. Thank You for allowing me to be a part of Your amazing plans! In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Joey's Present

Today is Joey's birthday!!! :) We made him pancakes for breakfast. We washed his car. He grilled steaks for lunch (yes, we made him cook on his birthday :)).

I also gave him a present. It was a stick that I peed on!!!! ;) Who could ask for a better present than that!?! God is filling Joey's quiver. We are blessed! We are growing!! Isn't that our word for the year! Who knew the amazing ways God had in store for us to grow.

Yes, we are excited! Yes, we know how it happens. Yes, we are trying to make our own sports team. ;) God is gracious and we are thankful! We will bring in the season of Spring with new life! Joey got to find out on his birthday, and I just might get an awesome birthday present too! :) (My b-day is April 4, and we should be due April 15-20 or so.)

As always, your prayers are appreciated. Pregnancy draws me closer to Janie Beth because the majority my memories with her are pregnancy memories. I am so thankful that God saw fit to fill my womb again. He has called me to the high calling of Mother. There are no words to describe how that makes me feel. I am blessed beyond measure. I didn't realize just how blessed I was until I had Janie Beth and felt the true calling of motherhood upon my life.

Joey Karr, thank you for being my beloved!!! Thank you for being an awesome Daddy to our kids!! Thank you for letting God have control. I wouldn't want to walk this hard, but amazing journey with anyone else. God is big and doing awesome things in our midst. I love you!!! I am so glad He formed you in your mother's womb. :) Hard to believe that God even thought of me while He was making you. He is amazing like that!!

Doc Appointment

AAAHHH!!! Well, I am 2cm and 50% effaced, very soft, and she is low. I went to L&D for a steriod shot (Can I say ouch!?!). I am also on semi-bedrest and medication to keep me from contracting. :( We are hoping to get to 36 weeks.

I didn't gain any weight and I am still measuring 34 wks, so I am glad I didn't really grow any, but I think part of that is the fact that she has dropped.

I hope to get a belly pic later.

Joy Michelle Update

I will be 31 weeks tomorrow. It is hard to believe that I am that far along!! To think that just 3 weeks after that I delivered Janie Beth, and 5 weeks after that I delivered Katie Jo. That is slightly scary!!! I am not sure I am ready for that. :)

Preparation for her is coming along at home. Her bed is all made up with an adorable bedding set that my sister had but didn't use. Her name will be monogrammed on her blanket and hung over the bed. I need to take pictures of it to show, especially once the blanket is done. All of her other furniture is set up, the swing, bouncy seat, carseat. We won't mention that sweet Gwyn has been using it to make sure it is all works just right. ;) We are blessed to have Gwyn joining us on Monday, and I pray she and Joy will grow to be best friends.

Her clothes are all in a box. LOL I need to sort and get things put up, but we are looking for a bigger chest of drawers for the girls to share. The current one only has 4 small drawers, which just won't work for 2 girls. :)

Eli talks about how cute Moy Schelle is. Yes, that is what it sounds like when he says Joy Michelle. :D He asks about her alot, especially if it is raining. He is quite concerned that she will get wet. lol

I am going to have my hands full with help!! The kids love when Gwyn is over and want to hold her and take care of her constantly. I think I may have to hire them out to give me a break. ha, ha! I look forward to seeing them with Joy Michelle. They do still talk about hoping she gets to come home, and we pray daily for her safety, health, and development.

I am measuring 3 weeks ahead. Yikes! This is not unknown territory for me, however. My contractions have begun to creep in on me again, but not enough to warrant worry or meds at this point. I want her to stay in there until she is healthy enough to stay with me! I have a slight fear of her having to go to the NICU. I am going to the doc every 2 weeks, and I just have to say I love my doctor's office!!!

Dr. F gave us a peak at Joy Michelle because I wanted to make sure she was still measuring well. She was in a good position, so he switched over to 4D for a minute and printed us a pic. I am amazed at how she looks like Janie Beth and Katie Jo. I just stare at her picture. It makes it more real even though I feel her constantly. It makes my arms itch to hold her when I look at her cute little face.

Although, she appears in the picture to have 2 horns. LOL We believe she has a head of hair like her sisters so only pieces of her scalp showed up. :)

Here she is... Joey took a picture of the picture so it isn't the best quality, but you can get the gist.

I need to get a new belly pic. I will upload one Josiah or Eli took, but it is fuzzy. I was 28 wks in this pic, so I really do need a new one!