Grief is such a crazy road! You never know from day to day or even moment to moment what it will be like. You can go through every stage in the span of one day and only one the next day. There is no rhyme or reason to your emotions sometimes. Being tired makes it all worse, which means at the end of the day things can creep in on you.
When regret comes in, you have to bombard it with gratitude. Actually, gratitude can pull you out of many stages of grief, or self-pity, or any number of emotions. There are times that gratitude is hard to find, but once you start, even if it is begrudgingly, it becomes true and God really does fill your heart with gratitude.
This week has been somewhat of a roller coaster for me. It hasn't been a bad week, but it feels like under the surface there is a mass of sadness ready to come up. My peace has been fleeting, and I miss it. I am praying for God to bring me back to the place where I have His peace that passes understanding. I am thankful that I get to worship tomorrow and celebrate Christ's resurrection. I believe that God will meet me there. I will be thinking of Janie Beth and the awesome celebration in Heaven! She will be on my heart a lot. Joey and I are going to the cemetary after church. I wish I could see how beautiful she looks, but I will just have to do with my imagination and know that it is even better than that. To know that my imagination cannot begin to touch reality is amazing and just a WOW thing.
Father God, thank You! Thank You for being with me. Thank You Jesus for coming and dying in my place. Thank You Abba for raising Him from the dead!!!! Thank You for reigning in Heaven! Thank You that my baby girl is there with You and that she is more beautiful than I can imagine! I look forward to getting to worship You on Easter morning! May many souls be saved tomorrow all around the world. Thank You for gratitude! It brings peace. You are an Awesome Father!!! I love You! In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.