So, I went to the cemetary on Wednesday. I can't go down in that part of town without going by to see her. I wasn't able to go Monday or Tuesday, so Wednesday it was. :) It was a beautiful day!! This was the first time I have gone by myself on a pretty day. LOL As I was squatting, (yes I squatted because the grass was still wet with dew), beside her grave I thought, or may have said out loud, how is God going to speak to me today. I was looking for Him. I wondered after I got home how many times I have missed what God wanted to tell me because I was too busy or just not paying attention. It makes me sad because I know the number is way higher than I really want to know!
Anyways, back to wondering how God was going to speak to me. The Bible says in 1 Chronicles 28:9 that If you seek Him, He will be found by you. God's word is always true! The wind was blowing that day, so I began to think about what the wind does. It blows and I can feel it; it touches me. The wind changes things and you can see the evidence of the wind, just not the wind itself. I realized that my love for Janie Beth is the same way. I can feel it; it touches me; it changes me; and I pray others can see the evidence of her love in me. After realizing her love is that way, God showed me that faith, hope, and belief are the same way. They all can be felt; they all touch me; they all change me; and you can see if there is evidence of them or not.
Last night I was writing a letter in Janie Beth journal about my cemetary visit and after I wrote about the wind, it struck me that God is like the wind. But, God is more than the wind. He is like the air. We need the air to survive. It is everywhere. It blows in the form of wind, sometimes more than others. I need God to survive. God is everywhere. He is always there, but sometimes I need Him more than others. I can feel God. He changes me. He touches me. You can't see God Himself, but you can see the evidence of Him in the lives of His children. The fact that air is everywhere all at the same time, is just like God. That is hard for my simple mind to fathom. The vastness of God can become overwhelming if I try to understand it in my limited mind. It is something I have to take on faith.
In Bible study we are talking about angels and spiritual warfare. When I think about heaven now, it is more real but it is also surreal. It is all so amazing! I can see where it is easy to put God in a box when we try to think about Him without faith involved. We want to understand, but we just can't fully understand. I believe that God is calling me to take another step deeper with Him and I just have to take it in faith and believe because my little brain just can't get it. :) I will choose to walk by faith and not by sight. He wants me to accept Him as He is, and trust Him completely. I know that doesn't really make much sense; I don't really know what I am trying to say in this paragraph. LOL I guess I am coming to realize just how big and mighty God really is, and that it is even more than I can fathom.
God is my air!!! My faith, hope, and belief in Him are the wind. Without the air you can't have the wind. Without God, I can't have faith, hope, or belief. Thank You, Father, for being my air!!!!
Thank you to everyone who prayed that I would have time to type. I found the time, but all my kids are up now, so I need to get going. I miss typing everyday!!! In due time, God will make a way. :)