I went to a retreat this past weekend for homeschool mom's that school through our church. It was wonderful and God met me there! He reinforced the things that I need to work on and gave me some tools to work on them. One of them being to DO!! I have been praying for God to take my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ, but I haven't been doing it like I should. It takes effort. I have to exercise myself toward godliness; it doesn't happen over night. We were given a book, and in the book the author says that his favorite saying was "I got gyped" in high school. That is what his friends decided to put as his favorite saying in the yearbook. OUCH! It hurts to see ourselves sometimes. He didn't realize that he said it that much.
I have been pondering what the phrase of my life right now would be. I have come up with several, but they aren't things that I say, just attitudes that I have. I fall into the all about me syndrome that we all are in at times. I think too much of myself. (YUCK! That is another post in and of itself.) Why is my life going like this?
But then when I wonder why my life is like this it makes me sad because if it wasn't then Janie Beth wouldn't be my daughter. I am so thankful to be her mother. Right now I would love for people to say that I say Janie Beth all the time, not to get pity, but to share her story and how much that precious little girl has touched my life. But, there is only so much you can say about someone who isn't here anymore. I am still trying to learn how to bring her with me through each day. I still miss her so much.
Last night I pulled out her journal, and all I wanted to write in it was I LOVE YOU in huge letters!!! I long to tell her that. I cannot feel her in my arms anymore. I cannot feel her finger around mine anymore. It is amazing how I can love someone so much who isn't even here! She is constantly teaching me something. It I had not been chosen to be her mommy I would have missed out on so many blessings. God trully can do exceedingly abundantly above all I could ever ask or think. Thank You, Abba!!!
I love you, baby girl!!!! Father, please give her a hug for me. :) Thank You, Lord for hugging me!!