A rut, that is what I feel like I am in. I am not completely sure why, but I feel as though I am trudging through mud just trying to make it through the day. We are finding our schedule for school, but there are still some things I want to work out or in. We have enjoyed school on the back porch the last couple mornings as a hint of fall is entering the air!! (I will say that we only have 1 week until the first SEC football game!! WOO HOO!!)
Yesterday all the verses God led me to were about going deeper, in some way or another. I am reading through Hebrews 11 before I go to bed and I read about Abel and his sacrifice. I started asking myself "what am I willing to sacrifice for God?" I believe the hardest thing to sacrifice is my ego, and what I feel is a right to myself. Totally letting go and letting God is a sacrifice because then my superficial control is gone. I know it is superficial because in reality I am not in control at all, I just try to be.
So, I read about that Tuesday night, and then God followed it up Wed morning in both my Bible reading and my devotional.
2 Peter 1:5
But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge,
Diligence. That is not something to take lightly! Diligence requires work and effort, it requires sacrifice on my part. "Add to faith virtue." Adding isn't easy either! You mean I can't just stop at faith!?! This journey of life is a growing journey. We are not called to just learn one thing and sit on it the rest of our lives. I am called to take another step and go deeper.
Then, I went into my devotion and it was about building your house on the rock. I had not really read it in Luke before, or it just hadn't grabbed me in the way that it did yesterday.
"He is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock."
WOW!! You mean I have to dig deep to lay my foundation on the Rock! Haven't I gone deep enough!?! (Sadly, this is what entered my mind.) But, then I realized I still have all kinds of mess and rubble that need to be cleared away in order for me to truly build my foundation on the Rock. Digging is hard work, and you can't just leave the pile of mess, you have to clean it up! Yikes! I am glad God is the top garbage man there is!!! I doubt He has been called that before, but for me in this time He will be my Garbage Man and He will take it to the ultimate dump, one that is as far from the east is from the west. :)
During my quiet time yesterday, I realized that God is calling me yet deeper. It is scary in a sense. I am not sure I want to see the garbage that we will have to dig up in order to lay this new foundation. I believe that there are different depths of foundation built on the Rock. There are times when we are called to lay another layer of foundation, and to clearn away the rubble that has begun to cover the foundation. God and I are going on a digging journey to clear away the dross. I am not sure how deep this digging will go, but I have been praying for Him to mold me as a wife and mother.
I also think going deeper has to do with entering fall. I am so excited to be entering the fall season. Football is coming and we can get outside and not melt. But, I also think this fall will be hard. I will need to go deeper in order to take steps through this season that will be hard and far different from last fall. God is calling me to believe and have faith. He wants me to let go and let Him rule my life as I enter a fun, yet hard time of year.
I really don't have a clue how any of this is going to actually play out, but I know God does and He sees the big picture and the outcome. I will cling to the promise that the Son/sun is shining behind the clouds. :)