I was officially 16 weeks yesterday. I went to the doctor this morning. Baby's heartbeat was 143, which doesn't mean a thing since all my kids have the same heartbeat regardless of gender. :) My belly measured 16 too, so all seems to be going well. Although, I did gain 4 lbs!! I told the doc we didn't need to talk about that. ;)
This morning I was nervous, but I was pretty sure baby was ok because he/she was playing around in there at 4:00 this morning. It did take the nurse just a bit to find the heartbeat though. Afterwards I was doing really well emotionally. I think it had to do with having errands to run. I always stop by and see Janie Beth after the doctor, and I had to do some cut out things for VBS, and then I went to Wal-Mart too. In doing all of that I didn't think much, so I was doing good.
I was even good when I got home. But, when I turned off the kids movie and saw the picture of Janie Beth on the TV, it made my heart jump. I miss her so terribly much! To think that this baby's legs are almost the same size right now as Janie Beth's were when she was born is amazing. Granted hers were chubby by the time she was born. :) I can feel this baby move when I am sitting up (I have finally admitted that it is movement I feel), but with Janie Beth I had to lay on my belly, even much further along. It is hard to think of the differences, and then to realize all that we will hopefully get to do with this baby that we didn't get to do with her, hurts. I want to hold her so bad right now.
The kids are in bed and Joey has gone to have some God time, so I had some God time too. I have been working through Psalm 34. Today I haven't really been able to get past verse 8.
Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him!
WOW! Can I say that God is good as I walk through the storm? Am I able to "Praise Him in this Storm"? Yes! I know that God is good. He blessed me by making me Janie Beth's mommy and He has blessed me with the privilege of carrying baby #5. Is all the good that God does easy? No! Sometimes it really hurts, but in the long run (the marathon of life) it is good.
We will have our ultrasound at my next visit on July 9. The one everyone calls the "gender ultrasound". It is not a gender ultrasound anymore. It is the "is my baby going to be healthy enough to live outside of my womb" ultrasound. We will find out the gender of this baby, and it will take me some time to adjust regardless of the gender. I believe it will probably be a boy, and I am getting better with that thought, but my heart aches for dresses and bows. Yet, I do not want to try to replace Janie Beth or make a baby grow up in her shadow. I feel as though I am walking on a tight rope! My emotions and thoughts go all over the place. Things trigger me all of the sudden out of the blue. Overall, God is gracious and He has brought me through a lot!
I stand on the promise that even if I can't see a rainbow in the storm, the sun/Son is always shining behind the clouds!! :)
Have you ever noticed how God seems to pull you out of your feeling sorry for yourself moments!?! The phone rings, or get a text, or He just smiles on you. His Word is great for pulling me out of my martyrdom. :) If you ever feel the urge to call someone, do it! You may be the one God uses to bless that person and bring them out of a slump.