This church searching is very hard!!! Most days I do well and keep my focus where it needs to be, but today I am struggling. I feel like we are in a pile of old rags in a corner that has been forgotten. I am wondering if we will ever serve God on staff anywhere again. I just want to throw a ton of questions at God. I know I could, but they wouldn't bring me any comfort. I keep repeating Bible verses in my head and praying for God's will. He seems to be making His will known more by answering "no" and closing doors than anything else. We are making some changes right now even though we aren't going on staff anywhere. That is hard too. We are closing a chapter, part of Janie Beth's chapter. We are kind of re-visiting a chapter from the past. I guess God wasn't done writing in that chapter yet. I know He has plans for us as we move on, and I have been praying about where He wants us to serve Him, but I was really hoping it would have some income. I need to rest in the fact that God has provided for us and we are not in need of income right now, so I shouldn't be bemoaning the fact that we don't have one! Yet, I wonder how long this storm will last. The clouds are so thick and dark, and there is no rainbow in sight. I am trying hard to cling to the promise that the sun/Son is behind the clouds!
God uses these times to refine us and draw near to Him. He is using this time to prepare us for His plans. He is getting our hearts in tune with His. But, through all this I wonder when the other shoe will drop. Fear so easily sets in when all you are faced with is unknown. I want to know the outcome instead of waiting. We have been waiting a long time, and obviously I am not done learning. I am praying that I learn it all through this lesson and don't have to have this lesson again! :) But, sadly, I easily forget what I have already been taught. I am praying for a ray of sunshine to peak through one of the clouds that is surrounding us.
Psalm 119:81-82 My soul faints for Your salvation, but I hope in Your word. My eyes fail from searching Your word saying, "When will You comfort me?"
I cried this to God last night. We have been seeking Him and wanting to follow wherever He leads. When will we get where He wants us?? Heck, we may already be on our way there, we just need to hold on and watch Him work. Because He is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we could ever ask or think.
Joey brought us to Isaiah 41:10, 13 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.... For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, 'Fear not, I will help you.'
That is a cool picture! God is fighting for us with His right hand, and He is holding our right hand. So He is a step or so ahead of me with His right hand raised while His left hand reaches back and hold mine. I need that! I need Him fighting for me. He is the endurance and perseverance that I have been praying for. He is the writer of my faith. If I will just trust Him, He will be strong where I am weak. My God reigns and He is Mighty to Save!!! As I trudge through the mud with my head hanging, God will raise my head and pull my feet out of the mud.
Abba Father, please show us Your power to save us. May You have compassion on us. Please show us a ray of sunshine in this storm. Thank You for fighting for us!! Help me keep my mind focused on You so that I can be at perfect peace. My heart hurts as I feel forgotten. Father, please be our endurance and perseverance. Write our faith and be our strength in these days in the mud that has accumulated from this long storm. Only You can bring us through this journey. May You bless us and keep us. May You make Your face to shine upon us and be gracious to us. May You lift up Your countenance upon us and give us peace. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.