December 30, 2009

I remember going to the NICU as soon as it opened up at 8:00am after the shift change. Jennifer came with donuts. My next memory is Dr. D coming in and telling us that Janie Beth did indeed have TD. Then, came the decision that we would take her off of the ventilator later that day. The morning was full of visitors. Joey brought each one in to visit Janie Beth. I went and saw her a couple of times, and I sat in my room and talked with people. Most everyone stayed in the NICU waiting room because it was bigger. Starting at 3:00 I sat by Janie's bed until every person had come in and said their goodbyes. 

When I got there, she opened her eyes and looked at me. :) She held my finger the entire time I sat there. God answered my prayers!! I wanted more than anything for her to squeeze my finger. Kelly told me that she opened her eyes more when I came in then she had the entire Kelly had been there. I had some time with her just Joey and I before the others came back.

The kids came in and we all sang "Jesus Loves Me" to her. I sang as much as I could through my tears. Katie Jo is the one that started the song. She loves Janie Beth so much! It still breaks my heart to see the progression of pictures with Katie Jo because you can see her excitement that Janie Beth is there, and then the pure sadness when we tell her she will go to Heaven later that day. In the NICU and later in room 310, Josiah took each part of her in. It was like he was trying to engrave her in his mind, such care and love! Eli didn't want to have much to do with her at that time, but he definitely talks about her a lot now. :)

Many family and some friends came back to visit. Janie Beth touched so many lives in her short time here.

Once everyone had their turn, Joey and I sat there a bit longer.

I walked by myself back to the room while Joey stayed with Janie as she was un-hooked. He said it was one of the hardest things he has ever done, but he wanted to be there for her through it all. It is hard for me to see the pictures of her after being taken off when she is crying because I know that there was no sound even though she was trying so hard. 
Joey wrapped her up and carried to room 310. Kelly even caught Janie Beth looking up at Joey as he walked through the hallway. It was the last time she opened her eyes. She was/is so proud of her Daddy!!!

Joey and I had some time just the 2 of us with her in the room for a while. She took some squeaky breathes for a few minutes. Her heart stayed beating until about 7pm and she was taken off the ventilator at 5:30.

The kids came in the room first and had some time with Janie Beth. Then, the others came in. We took pictures and everyone who wanted to go to hold her. We made imprints of her hands with each of the kids. (I plan on painting those in the next couple days.) It was a special time, a surreal time.

Everyone left, and Joey and I worked on molds. We had to get the NICU charge nurse to help us. She was amazing!!!! I remember being upset because she was getting hard and I was having trouble getting prints. We decided to take a break and get some sleep. It was a long day, but a blessed day. It went the way God had planned.

I wish I could put up every picture that was taken!! It is so hard to chose. There are pictures with each person that came to the NICU and to the room. Kelly will forever hold a special place in our hearts!!!!!

Today we went and released 22 pink balloons. I tied a card to them and Katie Jo made a picture we tied to them. I have pictures of them in the car but not in the air because we video taped that part. :) I lit some candles for her last night and I will again tonight. One of Janie's pink roses stands in the middle. God has graciously brought us through, and He will continue to do so.

We wish she was here with us, but I would never want her to leave Heaven! One day we will be there too. While God carries her in His hands, we carry her in our heart! We love you, Janie Beth!!!