19 weeks and Yesterday

I can't believe I am already 19 weeks!!! I have the privilege of feeling this little one move lots! You can even see my belly move if you happen to be watching during a kick. It is amazing! I can't wait for Joey and the kids to feel, but every time I try to feel on purpose, the little pill gets still! I am excited yet anxious for our appointment next week. I am blessed no matter how it goes! I am hoping to get a belly pic this evening to share tomorrow. I am trying to really enjoy this pregnancy, and cherish every moment. According to our plan, this will be our last baby, but God's plans don't always coincide with ours. LOL

Thank you for the prayers yesterday and today! This has been a difficult milestone. It has worn me out! I have had trouble getting up in the mornings. :)

We enjoyed our day yesterday as a family. We headed out about 11:00 and went to visit Janie Beth. (Eli calls it Janie in the mud. :)) Then we popped through Burger King's drive thru and headed up on the mountain. We ate and then the kids played on the playground for a bit before a short hike and looking out off the mountain. It was beautiful. We took the long way home and stopped for ice cream/popsicles at a gas station. We just chilled for a couple hours before dinner, and then went out and Joey mowed the grass. I got the hose and let them play to cool off, and I somehow got wet myself. :) The kiddos were in bed at 7:00 and asleep by 7:30. Joey and I sat in bed and played on the computer until about 9:30.

There was a peace throughout the day. I missed Janie Beth a lot, but I felt my love for her too. Joey mentioned that she would be cheering the loudest next week when we have our ultrasound. I love to picture that in my head! When I wrote on facebook that I held her for the first time as she breathed her last breathes here on earth, I couldn't help but remember that I held her as she breathed her first in heaven. And she did it perfectly there! It warmed my heart. She is perfect and healthy in heaven. Thank You, Abba!!!

Here are a few pictures from our day yesterday.

Ok, it was more than a few. LOL I was going to take my picture with my ice cream, but I accidently pushed the power button instead of the picture button. :) You will just have to imagine me eating my strawberry shortcake on a stick. Yummy!

6 Months

Seriously, it has been 6 months. My heart really hurts today. I don't even know what I want to do today. I wish I could just go sit with Janie Beth all day. I was going to go up with some cards and things for the different groups at the hospital, but I haven't worked on any of it and it want it to be the way I want not just thrown together. So, what we will do today, I do not know.

My arms long to hold her and kiss her. I worked in the nursery Sunday and they were all 6-8 months old. It didn't bother me while I did it, but I know what she would be doing if she were here. The thing is, I don't picture her as a baby. When I picture her with us, she is like a toddler. That sounds odd, and maybe it is a coping thing, I don't know.

Feeling the kicks and punches in my belly reminds me that it isn't Janie Beth. I want to have my cake and eat it too. :) I am so happy that God has blessed us with this new little one, but heart still longs for Janie Beth. I never felt her like I feel this one. It hurts my heart. I knew while I was pregnant with Janie Beth that I wouldn't realize the true difference between her pregnancies and my other kiddos until I got pregnant again. What a whirlwind of emotions!!

We are entering the second half of the first year without her. We are entering a new chapter in her journey as well as in our lives. We are in a new pool that we are trying to learn how to swim in. This past Sunday was our last Sunday at the church we have been attending. It was time for our family to move on for many reasons. We have gone back to the church that we were attending when we got married. We were there during a transition in our lives at that time too. We were waiting for God to open the door to the church He wanted us at. (Sound familiar :)) We attended there Sunday night and everyone was very welcoming, but we are outsiders still. We plan on jumping in with 2 feet and being involved wherever God leads. We know a few people there and look forward to meeting more.

But, Janie Beth was at Whitesburg. She is not at Hillwood. Only a few people know about her and the journey we are on. I know that we are right where God wants us right now, and it is all going to come together, but these waters are cold in this new pool and it is going to take a little time for them to warm up. We have to find how she fits, how we fit.

We have decided that as a family, we are going to watch God work. He is working on behalf of our family, and we are going to sit front and center and be amazed!! What He is going to do, where He is going to do it, and when He is going to do it are all still unknown to us, but He knows. And He makes all things beautiful in His time.

He is making Janie Beth's journey beautiful. She now has special places in our house. :) I need to take pictures and post them. She is forever in my heart. She has forever changed our family. I miss her terribly, but I am so thankful that God chose me to be her mother. She brings a smile to my face with a tear in my eye. What a precious mark she has put on this world.

Six months!!! It is always a big milestone in the life of a baby. For us it is a big milestone in our journey. We are entering a new chapter in our lives. We are learning to dance in this storm. There was a song we sang in church Sunday that spoke to me. The background behind the words was a storm. We will praise God during the storm while we can't even see a rainbow because the sun is shining behind the clouds!!!

Janie's Memories

This was a sad week at our local hospital. In one day 4 babies were delivered into heaven. It hit me so hard! All I could do was think about those nurses, doctors, and parents. It brought Janie Beth to mind also. I was really missing her that day and still now as Tuesday the 29th approaches. This will be the first time that the 29th falls on a Tuesday since December 29 when Janie Beth was born. I am hoping to go up to the hospital and bring something special to the L&D nurses, as well as NICU and the 3rd floor nurses that took care of me. My precious baby girl would be 6 months old. WOW!!!

I have been watching Delivery shows/Baby story shows to try and see some women go through natural labor. On Friday all I could think about was the difference between the births I was watching and the births of those beautiful babies on Thursday. Those mothers, which I don't even know, were on my mind constantly. The difference between those births and Janie Beth's births. I sit anxiously waiting for the babies to cry, even though I know they are ok or they wouldn't be on the show. It makes me think of birthing this baby and wonder how it is going to go.

My heart aches wondering if those families were able to make the memories that we made. We knew ahead of time, so we prepared and bought things to make memories and read about the things we might want to do so that we wouldn't regret anything.

This has been stewing in my mind constantly too. (My mind has been busy. LOL I guess it should happen ever once in a while. :)) I would love to be able to start a ministry that the hospital/doctor's can call when a baby has died in the womb or unbeknownst to the parents is going to pass shortly after birth that can bring things for them to make memories with. To have a list of things they may want to do with their precious little one's. To try to be there and help them through those whirlwind days. I have no idea where to start or how to start, but I have faith that my God is big enough to get it all worked out if this ministry in Janie Beth's honor is to come about.

I am so thankful that I knew ahead of time that she would not grace us with her presence for very long. I was able to have the time to get things organized and prepared as much as possible. We could have bought stock in Hobby Lobby with the money we gave them during the 6 weeks before Janie Beth's birth. I pray that no mother has to get home and wish she had done something else. Regrets can get consuming if we let them, and to be able to help some others not have as many regrets. I know there are pretty much always going to be some sort of regret, but to give them the opportunity to have more to be thankful for than be regretful about.

I am excited to see what God does!!!

The Unknown is Hard

This church searching is very hard!!! Most days I do well and keep my focus where it needs to be, but today I am struggling. I feel like we are in a pile of old rags in a corner that has been forgotten. I am wondering if we will ever serve God on staff anywhere again. I just want to throw a ton of questions at God. I know I could, but they wouldn't bring me any comfort. I keep repeating Bible verses in my head and praying for God's will. He seems to be making His will known more by answering "no" and closing doors than anything else. We are making some changes right now even though we aren't going on staff anywhere. That is hard too. We are closing a chapter, part of Janie Beth's chapter. We are kind of re-visiting a chapter from the past. I guess God wasn't done writing in that chapter yet. I know He has plans for us as we move on, and I have been praying about where He wants us to serve Him, but I was really hoping it would have some income. I need to rest in the fact that God has provided for us and we are not in need of income right now, so I shouldn't be bemoaning the fact that we don't have one! Yet, I wonder how long this storm will last. The clouds are so thick and dark, and there is no rainbow in sight. I am trying hard to cling to the promise that the sun/Son is behind the clouds!

God uses these times to refine us and draw near to Him. He is using this time to prepare us for His plans. He is getting our hearts in tune with His. But, through all this I wonder when the other shoe will drop. Fear so easily sets in when all you are faced with is unknown. I want to know the outcome instead of waiting. We have been waiting a long time, and obviously I am not done learning. I am praying that I learn it all through this lesson and don't have to have this lesson again! :) But, sadly, I easily forget what I have already been taught. I am praying for a ray of sunshine to peak through one of the clouds that is surrounding us.

Psalm 119:81-82 My soul faints for Your salvation, but I hope in Your word. My eyes fail from searching Your word saying, "When will You comfort me?"

I cried this to God last night. We have been seeking Him and wanting to follow wherever He leads. When will we get where He wants us?? Heck, we may already be on our way there, we just need to hold on and watch Him work. Because He is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we could ever ask or think.

Joey brought us to Isaiah 41:10, 13 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.... For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, 'Fear not, I will help you.'

That is a cool picture! God is fighting for us with His right hand, and He is holding our right hand. So He is a step or so ahead of me with His right hand raised while His left hand reaches back and hold mine. I need that! I need Him fighting for me. He is the endurance and perseverance that I have been praying for. He is the writer of my faith. If I will just trust Him, He will be strong where I am weak. My God reigns and He is Mighty to Save!!! As I trudge through the mud with my head hanging, God will raise my head and pull my feet out of the mud.

Abba Father, please show us Your power to save us. May You have compassion on us. Please show us a ray of sunshine in this storm. Thank You for fighting for us!! Help me keep my mind focused on You so that I can be at perfect peace. My heart hurts as I feel forgotten. Father, please be our endurance and perseverance. Write our faith and be our strength in these days in the mud that has accumulated from this long storm. Only You can bring us through this journey. May You bless us and keep us. May You make Your face to shine upon us and be gracious to us. May You lift up Your countenance upon us and give us peace. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

My Beloved, My Friend

WOW! It has been a long time since I posted. VBS wiped me out last week, and I believe I am still recovering. We have just hung out the last couple days except for going grocery shopping. Today we have some errands to run and we are praying hard for God's will in our family.

If it weren't for my dear beloved husband, I wouldn't have made it through last week with any clean dishes or clothes! I love you, Babe!!! He has taken over the dishes at night after we go to bed. It is so nice to be able to just put away the food after dinner and wake up to an empty sink/counter. :)

I am so thankful that God chose Joey to be my husband! I wasn't looking in his direction, but God changed that. LOL We have been together for 10 years. AH! We have grown a lot, especially through the trials of the last 2 years. We are closer now that we have ever been and I love him more now than I ever had. I pray that I continue to love him more and better and that God will continue to draw us closer together in Him.

I get the privilege of learning what God is doing in Joey's life. :) He has been doing amazing things in his life in 2010!!! We are learning, growing, and stumbling together. We aren't sure what God's plan is for our lives, but we know that they are good, and we are ready and willing to go wherever and serve Him wholeheartedly!

Joey is growing as a Daddy as the kiddos grow too. The joy on his face the night Josiah was born was amazing! He never thought he would have kiddos, and here he is with #5 on the way. God fooled you! :) Katie Jo has him wrapped around her finger! Eli is just like him, in looks and personality. He got excited about Janie Beth before I did, and he loves her dearly. He wanted this new little one after not wanting anymore.

God has re-newed our love for one another and for our family. Janie Beth has changed him as a man, husband, father, and minister. He has changed me as a woman, wife, mother, and servant of God. We strive to enhance one another. I love our late night talks! I enjoy sharing with him what God is teaching me and listening to the amazing things God is doing in his life. We like to play golf together, when I am not pregnant, so I haven't gotten to go too often. LOL We like to watch movies together and play a computer game together. I love when we watch our kids together!! Eli had us laughing so hard the other night we were barely breathing. LOL And he didn't even know we were laughing at him. :)

Joey Karr, I am glad that I ruined your weekend!!! God has blessed us and I am excited to see what lies ahead on the journey of the Karr's! I love you!!!

Jeremiah (Isaiah 55: 8-9)

I was looking up the meaning of Jeremiah this morning because it is the name we have picked out for a boy. It means "Jehovah is high". I let that just roll around in my mind. High. WOW! When you imagine how high you can go in our atmosphere and realize that God is far higher than that, you just sit in wonder and amazement.

It also brought to mind Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thought are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord, "for as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts."

His ways are higher than my ways. I hate to admit this, but there are days that I wonder if I should have even allowed a pregnancy to be possible at this stage in my Janie Beth journey. I was reminded by my Beloved, my hubby, last night that God has special plans for this baby and He formed this baby and knows his/ her days and His calling for his/her life. His ways are higher than my ways. I didn't form this baby, God did. I didn't decide that we would still be in Huntsville a year and half later still waiting for the open door of a job. I would have thought that crazy, but His ways are higher than my ways.

I flipped back in my Bible to Psalm 34. Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him!

In order to taste, I have to do something. I can't taste food without actually putting it in my mouth. For me to "taste and see that the Lord is good", I have to do something. According to this verse, I have to trust Him. In order for me to know the goodness of the Lord, I have to trust Him!!! I think I know what is good for my life, but His ways are higher than my ways. Janie Beth showed me the goodness of the Lord, but I never would have picked things to go the way they did. This new baby will show me the goodness of the Lord in ways I cannot imagine. I must trust God, and cling to the promise that what He is doing makes sense in the long run. His ways are higher than my ways, and His thoughts than my thoughts.

It is scary but freeing to trust God. He already has it in His hands anyways, so why not let my heart and mind be at rest by being assured of the goodness of the Lord!

Abba, thank You for being high! Thank You for having higher ways than me! Thank You for looking at the big picture and knowing what is best for Your kingdom. Into Your hands I place my trust. Help me to do this moment by moment today. I want to walk in trust in order to taste and see Your goodness. Thank You for the blessing of being Janie Beth's mommy!!! She has showed me Your goodness in ways I never thought possible. Thank You for this new little one, and I pray that Your hand will continue to shape him/her. Thank You for my Beloved who loves me and cares for me. Who takes the time to talk to me and share with me! Thank You for my kids who make me laugh and smile. For the ways they show me You! May You continue to draw us into a family after Your own heart. May You continue to instill in us a love for You first, and then a love and compassion for others. Please continue to heal my broken heart and mold me into a pot that is usable. I love You! In Jesus' name I pray, Amen

16 Weeks

I was officially 16 weeks yesterday. I went to the doctor this morning. Baby's heartbeat was 143, which doesn't mean a thing since all my kids have the same heartbeat regardless of gender. :) My belly measured 16 too, so all seems to be going well. Although, I did gain 4 lbs!! I told the doc we didn't need to talk about that. ;)

This morning I was nervous, but I was pretty sure baby was ok because he/she was playing around in there at 4:00 this morning. It did take the nurse just a bit to find the heartbeat though. Afterwards I was doing really well emotionally. I think it had to do with having errands to run. I always stop by and see Janie Beth after the doctor, and I had to do some cut out things for VBS, and then I went to Wal-Mart too. In doing all of that I didn't think much, so I was doing good.

I was even good when I got home. But, when I turned off the kids movie and saw the picture of Janie Beth on the TV, it made my heart jump. I miss her so terribly much! To think that this baby's legs are almost the same size right now as Janie Beth's were when she was born is amazing. Granted hers were chubby by the time she was born. :) I can feel this baby move when I am sitting up (I have finally admitted that it is movement I feel), but with Janie Beth I had to lay on my belly, even much further along. It is hard to think of the differences, and then to realize all that we will hopefully get to do with this baby that we didn't get to do with her, hurts. I want to hold her so bad right now.

The kids are in bed and Joey has gone to have some God time, so I had some God time too. I have been working through Psalm 34. Today I haven't really been able to get past verse 8.

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him!

WOW! Can I say that God is good as I walk through the storm? Am I able to "Praise Him in this Storm"? Yes! I know that God is good. He blessed me by making me Janie Beth's mommy and He has blessed me with the privilege of carrying baby #5. Is all the good that God does easy? No! Sometimes it really hurts, but in the long run (the marathon of life) it is good.

We will have our ultrasound at my next visit on July 9. The one everyone calls the "gender ultrasound". It is not a gender ultrasound anymore. It is the "is my baby going to be healthy enough to live outside of my womb" ultrasound. We will find out the gender of this baby, and it will take me some time to adjust regardless of the gender. I believe it will probably be a boy, and I am getting better with that thought, but my heart aches for dresses and bows. Yet, I do not want to try to replace Janie Beth or make a baby grow up in her shadow. I feel as though I am walking on a tight rope! My emotions and thoughts go all over the place. Things trigger me all of the sudden out of the blue. Overall, God is gracious and He has brought me through a lot!

I stand on the promise that even if I can't see a rainbow in the storm, the sun/Son is always shining behind the clouds!! :)

Have you ever noticed how God seems to pull you out of your feeling sorry for yourself moments!?! The phone rings, or get a text, or He just smiles on you. His Word is great for pulling me out of my martyrdom. :) If you ever feel the urge to call someone, do it! You may be the one God uses to bless that person and bring them out of a slump.

The Doctor's Office

Tomorrow is my next doctor's appointment. I am nervous about going. I fear something being wrong, but it is more than that. I realized today that the doctor's office was Janie Beth's trip. That is where we heard her heartbeat and saw her as she grew. It is one of the few places during her life that was all about her. I do believe that my appointments make me miss her more. It reminds me that she isn't here and life has kept on going. So many hard decisions were made there, and I pray that I do not have to make any hard decisions this time. I pray for a healthy heartbeat tomorrow. But, even more I pray for God's will.

Psalm 119:49-50 Remember the word to Your servavnt, upon which You have caused me to hope. This is my comfort in my afflictiton, for Your word has given me life.

As I was praying I realized that my hope should always be in God. He is the only constant. My hope cannot be in a healthy baby. That will not fix all my problems. The only fix to my problems is God!

These verses remind me that in order to find my hope in God, I have to read His word and hide it in my heart. If I do not know His promises, then how will I know what my hope is in.

Here are some promises to cling to from God...

Dear ________, may you grasp how wide and long and high and deep My love for you is; a love that surpasses knowledge…you cannot ask or imagine the things I am planning for you! Your Heavenly Father (Ephesians 3:16-21)


Dear _______, I am your Salvation; trust in Me and do not be afraid. I am your strength and your song. Your Heavenly Father (Isaiah 12:2)

Dear _______, I will bless you and keep you. I will make my face to shine upon you…I will turn My face toward you, and give you peace. Your Heavenly Father (Numbers 6:24-27)

Dear _______, I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way thou should go. I will guide thee with Mine eye. Your Heavenly Father (Psalm 37:3-4)

Dear _______, I will keep you in perfect peace if you will keep your mind steadfast on Me and always trust Me…I am a Rock you can always stand on.
Your Heavenly Father (Isaiah 26:3-4)

Dear _______, My Word is a lamp to your feet and a light for your path. Your Heavenly Father (Psalm 119:105)

Dear _______, you can be a conqueror in all things through My love…for neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers…will separate you from My love… Your Heavenly Father (Romans 8:37-39)

Dear ________, I am your refuge and your strength. Even though the earth gives way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, do not fear. I am an ever present help in trouble. Your Heavenly Father (Psalm 46:1-3)

Dear ________, I am your hiding place, I will protect you from trouble and surround you with songs of deliverance…I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go…I will counsel you and watch over you. Rejoice in Me… Your Heavenly Father (Psalm 37:7-11)

Dear________, I will guide you always; I will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your Heavenly Father
(Isaiah 58:11)

Dear ________, never forget My words…do not depart from My wisdom for it will protect you and watch over you. My wisdom and understanding will honor you and present you with a crown of splendor. Your Heavenly Father
(Psalm 4:5-9)

Dear ________, trust in Me with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Me and I will direct your paths. Your Heavenly Father (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Dear _______, I am with you always, I will always be holding your hand; I will guide you with My counsel, and take you into My glory…I am the strength of your heart and your portion forever. Your Heavenly Father (Psalm 73:23-26)

Dear ________, because I am at your right hand, you will not be shaken. Therefore let your heart be glad and your tongue rejoice…live in hope, I will not abandon you.  Your Heavenly Father (Acts 2:25-27)

Dear ________, look up, your help comes from Me, the Maker of heaven and earth. I will not let your foot slip. I watch over you day and night… Your Heavenly Father (Psalm 121:1-8)

Dear _______, love Me and remember that I will see to it that all things work together for your good…for I know the mind of My Spirit and I am constantly interceding for you according to My will. Your Heavenly Father
(Romans 8:27-28)

Dear ________, I have carried you since your birth…I will continue to be with you and sustain you, even when you have gray hairs. I will always carry you; I will always sustain you; I will always rescue you. Keep your mind focused on Me and I will keep you in perfect peace. Your Heavenly Father
(Isaiah 26:3,4; 45:3-4)

Dear _______, I am with you, I am mighty to save. I will take great delight in you. I will quiet you with My love. I will rejoice over you with singing. Your Heavenly Father (Zephaniah 3:17)

Dear _______, call unto Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know. Your Heavenly Father (Jeremiah 33:3)

Dear _______, I will never leave you nor forsake you: I have engraved you on the palms of My hands. Your Heavenly Father (Josh 1:5, Isaiah 49:16)

Dear _______, do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.  Your Heavenly Father (Isaiah 41:10)

Dear _______, he who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Your Heavenly Father (Psalm 91:1)

Dear _______, I am the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth…those who hope in Me will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint. Your Heavenly Father (Isaiah 40:28-31)

 
I needed to be reminded of these today, and I pray that they blessed you as well. God really does care for us, whether we see what He is doing as good or bad, we can rest assure that He is working it all together for our good and His glory!
 
I will enter the doctor's office tomorrow by God's grace and strength. I never go anywhere without Him! :)

Introducing...

Here he is... (the newest member of our family)

R2D2

Joey picked him up off the street. :) Poor fella! He must not have been behaving. He is actually a cooler. The kids love it!! Eli was most upset that "him" had to sleep on the porch. :) The all cleaned him up with wipes and said he was nice and shiny. LOL  We are awaiting our first cookout where R2 can perform his duty for us. :) Ha, Ha!!

Just an Update

Sorry for my absence. I have been engrossed in my re-organization and downsizing. Due to this fact, I will be engrossed in the mountain of laundry that piled up while I so diligently worked on the rest of the house. :) This is also crunch time for VBS. I need to learn a few songs and get my crafts ready, as well as learn the stories a little better. I am pretty sure I have my work cut out for me. LOL

I must say that I am very pleased with the way the house is coming together. The kitchen is set and ready for school as well as cooking, as long as you don't open certain cabinets. ;) (They are on the list.) The living room is nice and comfy and welcoming. The kids rooms look great! The hallway is set to be cleared out this week. The master is waiting for the tall bookcase to be switched out with a short bookcase and what else, I am not sure. Just don't open any closets in any of the rooms! LOL Those are still on the list too. And you may want to steer clear of the garage. It is still a work in progress, but it is coming along. We have purged quite a bit and I am ready to purge more. Darn VBS getting in the way. :) I hope to get a little done around my VBS preparation, but we shall see.

We have also been in softball mode. My youngest sister finished up her regular season last week, so we went to the last couple games. Then, we found out the tournament started this past weekend, so we were out there Sat too. We will be cheering her on again either tonight or tomorrow night. Go Patriot!!!

I also got my very first pedicure! It was lots of fun. I dragged a good friend along with me. :) You know she kicked and screamed. ;) Then, we finished up our little pampering with some awesome cupcakes! Sorry for no pictures! I didn't even think about it, and my camera was in my purse the entire time!

Overall, it was a pretty good week, just felt very busy. I seem to keep the first 2-3 days of the week slow, and then cram everything into the end of the week which makes it feel like it was incredibly busy. Crazy, I know! This week is looking to be the same. But, I am looking forward to my special morning with Katie Jo on Saturday! It is a girl's morning and she is getting her hair cut and getting to spend her Claire's gift card, plus we have to go shopping for a baby shower.

I had a few hard days last week, and I believe I have recovered. It seems to take me a couple days to pull out of those times! I have been wearing my necklace with Janie Beth's picture on it again, and she has some special spots on the living room shelves now.

I better get moving this Monday morning! There is already a war going on in the living room between the cowboys and indians. Hopefully, I will remember to show you all the newest member to our family later! :)

200th

Really, I have written that many posts!?! This is my 200th post, and my blog was started in December 2009. How things have changed since then!?! I was trying to think of some cute post to do, but I am just not in a real cute mood the last couple of days. :) I figured I would just do an update today on different things since December 2009.

Janie Beth would be the biggest thing that has happened since I started this blog. I started it to share her story in one place and not have to remember who I had emailed and who I hadn't. Then, it became my journey after Janie Beth, and now it is our family's journey after Janie Beth. There are still hard days. Things can still set me on a downward spiral if I am not expecting them. It still hurts that she isn't here and I won't get to hold her or kiss her again until Heaven. I love her! She has blessed me and changed me and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. There are still moments when I hold her lamb and cry. The hard steps are not over. But, by the grace of God, I take them.

All the other kids have had birthdays. :) We now house a 6, 5, and 3 year old. :) Homeschooling kind of stopped after Janie Beth and we will be starting up a couple days a week in July. The kids are excited to be starting 1st grade and Kindergarten. (They will be doing the same work. :)) Eli exceeded expectations in his potty training and will be in paci boot camp very soon. (He still has one in the bed.) They are enjoying the warmer weather and getting to go outside. Katie Jo still misses Janie Beth, as I am sure the others do too, but she voices it more. She wants the "Go to Sleep" song every night because it has a verses about Janie in it. Janie Bear still travels with us most of the time, but she does have to stay in the car more now. She is in dire need of a bath. :)

We are still job hunting, but we are still in contention with a few churches. God has provided the means to live for quite some time, so the only thing really hurting is our patience. :) I do not know God's plans, but I will stand on the promise that they are for our good and His glory and they will be made beautiful in their time!

Baby #5 seems to be coming along fine. I am 15 weeks now. I do not feel movement every day and I am doing my best to leave it in God's hands. Actually, I don't feel as though I feel movement many days. It is hard, but I am learning to walk by faith and not by feel. :) This baby has not made my Janie Beth journey any easier, in fact in some ways it is harder. I go back to the doctor June 10.

I am working on becoming the wife and mother God wants me to be. It is hard work!! Old habits die hard! It is also hard to find the balance of what is right for your family. Every family can't follow a book exactly. But, God brought me to Psalm 32:8-9 today.

I will unstruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye, do not be like the horse or like the mule, which have no understanding, which must be harnessed with bit and bridle, else they will not come near you.

God is going to show me the way. He is instructing me in the way I should go. The key is whether I am listening and letting Him lead me. I find in this verse the I should instruct and guide my children in the way God does me. I found comfort in the fact that God cares enough to take the time to show me the way. I pray that I will not be like the horse and mule, and neither will my children.

So, God has done many things in the our lives over these last 6 months. I am excited to see what He does in our lives over the next 6 months.