I plan on this being short because the "d" on my keyboard is broken so it isn't real easy to use, but you know how I am. :)
I have had a crazy thought lately. I fear, at times, that others don't want me to pray for them because my baby died. I fear that they think my prayers may not work, so they don't really want me to pray for them. I know this is completely from Satan, and I continue to pray even with this crazy thought, but I do have to overcome it. I know Janie Beth did not die because I lacked faith or didn't pray correctly. God has answered my prayers in amazing ways!!! Ways that I never could have imagined.
Now, onto a crazy thought others have. :) That pregnancy after the loss of a baby fixes everything. Oh, quite the contrary. It takes everything to a whole new level! Crazy as it sounds, it is still hard to hear pregnant women complain and to hear news of someone else who is pregnant or watch someone getting close to the end. I know in time these things will be easier, but they are still hard sometimes.
There are actually days that I feel like our family is complete already, and I feel horrible for thinking that way since there is a little life inside of me! I think that I would be ok without having another baby, but then I hold one that isn't mine and realize what I missed with Janie Beth and realize that I would love to watch another little one grow up in my home. I would love to snuggle on the couch with my baby and nurse him/her. I am telling you, these hormones can drive you nuts!
The journey of pregnancy after loss makes no sense! From day to day you do not know how it will affect you. And knowing that this one will not bring Janie Beth back and fill her spot makes me sad too. To know that there will always be that God-sized hole filled with His grace even when we welcome a new baby into our family.
Janie Beth will always be our miracle baby in heaven!! I love you, baby girl! Thank You, Abba, for choosing me to be her mommy!