I have been clinging to this verse since I really read it yesterday. I will admit that I didn't cling to it hard enough and I didn't let go and let God yesterday, but I am trying to take the steps to. I want to truly Lean on the Everlasting Arms of Jesus. I want to be real and not try to barracade myself around people I don't know. I don't want to withdraw into myself because what I am facing may hurt.
Yesterday was a busy day. It started out with Josiah and Katie Jo's last soccer game. They did great!!! They have both improved throughout the season and I am proud of them both!
Then, Katie Jo and I went to a baby shower. This was the first baby shower I have been to since Janie Beth went to heaven, and it was for a girl. It was hard!!!! I didn't grasp how hard until I left. I totally withdrew into myself, but I could have easily sat there and just cried. I wish I had let God hold me and carry me instead of trying to protect myself. I wish I had let myself enjoy the company of the many that I didn't know without fearing the questions of how old are your children. I know I came across as a total snob because I just sat there and only talked a little to a couple people that I already knew! I hate that! I missed an opportunity to meet some cool ladies and make a couple new friends! I am thankful that I got the first shower out of the way! But, my arms do ache to hold my precious baby girl!!!! I still miss her so much and the hurt is still very deep even though I go through most days smiling and even laughing.
Here I am with Marcie, the shower was for her, and our other friend Jennifer who is also expecting.
Then, that afternoon we celebrated Eli's birthday with Nana, Poppa, Aunt Amy, Uncle Chase, and Aunt Abby. It was a fun time and I loved watching the kids slip 'n' slide!!! Eli even got to have cake for the first time!! (He has food allergies and this is the first year I have made a cake he can eat.) The cake was all he wanted for his birthday. :) He gave me a huge hug yesterday morning when I showed him his cake and said "thank you, Mom". It melted my heart!!! He didn't realize that he would get presents. LOL Once this realization hit, he was totally excited. :) He tore open one and immediately went to the next one. He was too cute to watch!
Here he is opening some presents. I didn't get any still shots of him eating cake. I will have to pull some off the video.
He had to move to the floor to open better. :)
He completely destroyed the card envelopes. LOL
I stayed pretty busy during the party, so it didn't really hit until afterward how much fun it was to watch him and how I won't get to watch Janie Beth open presents or eat cake for the first time. It struck me how different her birthdays will be. My precious baby girl!!!
God is good and He brought me through. He walked beside me waiting for me to put up my hand and let Him hold it. I picture Him like I do myself as I watch my children do things. I ache to help them, but I also know that they have to learn how to do some things. But, I do believe there was too much Martha in me today and not enough Mary!! I am learning. This journey is hard to figure out! This club that I am in doesn't totally make sense! Even though I am expecting, things are still hard for me. It is crazy.
Here are the new flowers that we put at Janie Beth's grave. I love the pinkness! :)
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