"And the Lord your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your descendants, to love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, that you may live." Deuteronomy 30:6

but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and forever. Amen.
2 Peter 3:18

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Hope (Pregnancy)

My hope has been in nothing the last few days. I have been afraid to hope because then I may be devastated. I feel like I am on a roller coaster.

I must remember that my hope must be in Jesus.

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly lean on Jesus name.
On Christ the solid rock I stand!
All other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand.

I know my God is big and wonderful and He is going to work all things together for our good and His glory. I need to send that promise to my heart. It is in my head, but there seems to be a blockade somewhere from my head to my heart.

We found out March 16 that we are expecting baby #5 on November 24, 2010. It has been a roller coaster since then. I have been having spotting issues, and then I even hemoraged (totally misspelled and I apologize!). I was put on bedrest for a week and went back in. I had a pocket of old blood, so he figured I would spot brown mess for a little while still. That was 2 weeks ago, and I "think" I have finally stopped spotting. I go back to the doctor tomorrow and I am afraid that baby won't have a heartbeat anymore. I am 12 weeks today. I have been doing pretty good for most of this journey, but the week of appointments is always hard. I want to just let go and let God, but I can't seem to figure out how to let go this time!!!

My being pregnant is one of the main reasons I haven't posted as much because most of what I would have to say was about my feelings regarding that and Janie Beth. It is a whole new level in my journey and I am still learning how to tread this new water.

I long to let go and enjoy my family and pregnancy!! I am praying for God's help. That He would be strong where I am weak. That He would write my faith. That He would completely fill me and guide me. I want His Spirit to have complete access to me. This is all part of growing. Growing just usually comes with some kind of pain.

Today I will be singing My Hope is Built all day today. I will be taking my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ and focusing on Him. Allowing God to help me let go.

Abba, I love You! Please guide me through this day. May You write my faith and be strong where I am weak. I need You!!! Teach me to use Your armor and to let go. May You be glorified through my journey today. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.


  1. Michelle

    You are one of the strongest people I know! Your faith in God will see you through. Always in my prayers. Love you & miss you!!!!!!!!!

  2. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers! I share your worries, although not as deeply, I think that all pregnancies have us mommas worried! I keep praying and reminding myself that my worry is worse for the baby and that what will happen will happen. It's in HIS hands! Have peace my dear sweet friend!! HE will carry you through no matter what!!

  3. Michelle your in my thoughts alot. Praying.

  4. Michelle, praying for the Lord's peace in this journey. He totally understands why you feel as you do, and it does make perfect sense that you would. Thankfully, He is so much bigger than our frailties, and yet so loving that He understands our frailties and makes something beautiful of them, through His strength. Praying for peace today and each day of this journey. Marybeth

  5. Praying for your appointment tomorrow! How exciting!

  6. Congratulations! I know how terrifying this pregnancy will be. Good luck! You'll be in my prayers.

  7. I will be praying! Please keep us updated...

  8. So happy for you my friend!! I love you!