Hope (Pregnancy)

My hope has been in nothing the last few days. I have been afraid to hope because then I may be devastated. I feel like I am on a roller coaster.

I must remember that my hope must be in Jesus.

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly lean on Jesus name.
On Christ the solid rock I stand!
All other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand.

I know my God is big and wonderful and He is going to work all things together for our good and His glory. I need to send that promise to my heart. It is in my head, but there seems to be a blockade somewhere from my head to my heart.

We found out March 16 that we are expecting baby #5 on November 24, 2010. It has been a roller coaster since then. I have been having spotting issues, and then I even hemoraged (totally misspelled and I apologize!). I was put on bedrest for a week and went back in. I had a pocket of old blood, so he figured I would spot brown mess for a little while still. That was 2 weeks ago, and I "think" I have finally stopped spotting. I go back to the doctor tomorrow and I am afraid that baby won't have a heartbeat anymore. I am 12 weeks today. I have been doing pretty good for most of this journey, but the week of appointments is always hard. I want to just let go and let God, but I can't seem to figure out how to let go this time!!!

My being pregnant is one of the main reasons I haven't posted as much because most of what I would have to say was about my feelings regarding that and Janie Beth. It is a whole new level in my journey and I am still learning how to tread this new water.

I long to let go and enjoy my family and pregnancy!! I am praying for God's help. That He would be strong where I am weak. That He would write my faith. That He would completely fill me and guide me. I want His Spirit to have complete access to me. This is all part of growing. Growing just usually comes with some kind of pain.

Today I will be singing My Hope is Built all day today. I will be taking my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ and focusing on Him. Allowing God to help me let go.

Abba, I love You! Please guide me through this day. May You write my faith and be strong where I am weak. I need You!!! Teach me to use Your armor and to let go. May You be glorified through my journey today. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.