Still....

I really didn't think some things would still be hard. There are still some things that I used to do that are still hard to do. I cannot bring myself to start baking again. I need to because poor Eli needs to have safe baked goods to eat, but for some strange reason it is hard to make myself bake. I loved to bake and I want to get back to that point.

I still have to force myself to make a menu and grocery list. I have just been winging it for dinner and that doesn't work when the meat won't thaw in time to cook it! The menu is so nice when I do it because I know what it going on. Today I have to write a menu and get the grocery shopping done. I have an empty paper towel roll sitting on the counter. :)

Money!!! AAAHHH!!! I have completely gotten out of the habit of telling our money where to go! Once again we have been winging it far too much and using it way too much. This is a cycle for me. I don't make the menu, the meat isn't thawed or I never took it out, so we go out to eat. I am driving myself crazy!

I am hoping to sit down and do our budget for next month and tell all our money where to go and get cash put in our envelopes again.

These issues with me also creep up when I am pregnant, so it is probably a combo of Janie Beth and pregnancy.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:16

"I am the Lord your God... who directs you in the way you should go. "
Isaiah 48:17

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your steps."
Proverbs 3:3-5

I am going to give this all to God. Maybe He wants me to change some things instead of going completely back to the way I used to do things. I don't know, but I am going to ask that He show me His way. It has amazed me all the ways that things have changed for the better through Janie Beth's journey! God really does know what He is doing!! I still miss her and my arms ache to hold her, but "through the Lord's mercies I am not consumed. His compassions fail not, they are new every morning." Lamentations 3

Still...
God is still in control even when it doesn't feel like it.
God is still working even when I can't see it.
God is still carrying me even as He lets me takes some steps on my own.
I am still mourning, and God remembers even when I don't.
I am still stumbling trying to find my way on this path, and God is there to pick me up.
God still loves me even when it hurts.
God is still blessing our family, and always has been.
God is still Mighty to Save! He can still move mountains!
I still hurt, and God says it is ok.
I am still learning to let go and let God, and He says just a little more.
God still knows what He is doing.
God is still changing me, and will be until the day I die. :)
God is still BIG!

Let go and let God!!!