5 Months

Well, it has been 5 months since I saw her alive and held her as she breathed her last. Five months since the day that was all about her. On this day, I often wish I could go back and re-live that day to feel her in my arms and feel her squeeze my finger and see her look at me. To watch her heartbeat rise as her siblings sang "Jesus Loves Me" to her. Five months later and I still miss you so much. As we go through today, I will often think of what we were doing at this time on December 30, 2009.

I have actually had a couple dreams about Janie Beth in the last several days. She lived, but we weren't sure for how long she would live. One we were in the hospital still and the one last night she actually got to come home. Although, I wonder if it is her or the new baby that I am dreaming about. But, the baby looks just like JB.

I miss you baby girl! I still love you completely! I still picture what it would look like if you were here. You have touched my life forever and changed me in ways I never thought possible. I am praying that I will keep a grateful attitude today and keep my perspective on God. No regrets today, just remembering the special day that was yours.

Abba Father, please come and hold me today. May You continue to heal my broken heart and fill the cracks with Your grace. May You go deeper than my pain as only You can do. Meet me at worship today. I love You! Please tell my baby girl that I love her too. You are so good to me and I thank You for December 30, 2009 and the wonderful memories from that day. May I never forget. May You continue to mold me through this journey. Father, please continue to wrap Your precious arms around Josie, Greyson, and Will. May You comfort their mommy's and let them know You are with them. May You do exceedingly abundantly above all that we could ever ask or think in their lives. Thank You, Lord, for Your sovereignty and blessing. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

A couple pictures from that precious day.