"And the Lord your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your descendants, to love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, that you may live." Deuteronomy 30:6

but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and forever. Amen.
2 Peter 3:18

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


I am so full of thankfulness that I had to put it here. I am so thankful that God knew exactly how our time with Janie Beth should go. I am so thankful for the time we had with her in the NICU. I am so thankful for the time we had with her in our room after disconnecting her. I am so thankful for keeping her with us overnight after she passed. I am so thankful that Joey and I spent the following morning with her and drove her to the funeral home ourselves. I am so thankful that God blessed me so much in those 3 days!!!

Today God is teaching me to love without reservation. I am choosing to love Janie Beth completely. When I do this I can still feel her in my arms. When I love her fully it brings a smile to my face. I believe I had begun to try loving my husband and children less over these last few weeks in order to protect myself. Well, today God showed me that I need to love. God and I are going to work on love, the first fruit of the Spirit. I am excited about all that He is teaching me and showing me. It hurts to be confronted with yourself, but it is freeing too. I am trying to allow God to mold me into someone that loves. Someone that loves others as myself. Someone that builds others up and encourages them because I love them. I pray that God will continue to grow love in me!!!! May I not do something or say something about anyone else that I wouldn't want done or said about me.

Father God, please mold me in Your image. May You continue to teach me. I love You! Thank You for chastising me as Your daughter. Thank You Lord for working all things in my life and blessing me so much!!!


  1. Beautiful!!!! I hope you have a blessed day, my friend. I love you!!

  2. I know how it feels to hold back your love to protect yourself. In a year's time, I lost my great-grandfather, my mother, a very close friend, that friend's father (who committed suicide) and about three other more distant relatives. It really hit me hard how fragile this life is, and how quickly those we love can be gone. I struggled with how not to make an idol of my family but still love them wholeheartedly. I either wanted to say, "O.k., God they're yours, but I'm just going to hold my heart back a little." or "I love them so much!! You can't take them from me, God." He began to teach me through the grieving process that there will always be pain in this world, and we simply can not stop loving people just because losing them would hurt too badly. When those fears arise, we are just not loving and trusting Him enough. We are saying, "I love you, God, and I'll obey you...... as long as I don't have to suffer. I'm so thankful Jesus didn't "obey" like that. : ) Sorry for such a long comment. Your post struck really close to home for me. I love you, Michelle. You're coming through, and God is leading. I can tell. : )