After reading others stories, I want to share some of the things from our days with Janie Beth that I am so thankful that we did, and maybe a few things I wish we had done.
I am so thankful for:
-my Abba Father carrying me!!!!
-having a friend share everything via my blog
-having wonderful nurses
-having an awesome neonatalogist
-having a fantastic photographer through NILMDTS
-having my husband by my side
-having so many family and friends there for support
-having 20 hours with Janie Beth in the NICU
-having her alive with us for just over an hour in our room
-getting to have her siblings and mommy and daddy hold her alive
-keeping her with me overnight after she died
-making multiple imprints of her hands and feet
-making multiple handprints and footprints
-making a mold of her hand and foot
-spending 17 hours with her out of the NICU (16 of which she was in Heaven)
-driving her to the funeral home (I carried her out of the hospital and held her in the car.)
-putting her footprints on the shirt I was wearing that day
-for the prayers!!!!!
-for the hugs
-for the love poured out on us
-for the pictures!
Things I wish I had done:
-asked to hold her in the NICU
-taken more video (we forgot the tripod!)
-been a little more selfish sometimes (not that I regret a single thing that we did because I believe whole heartedly that those days went exactly as God had intended :) )
How in the world can I not be filled with gratitude for the days December 29 through December 31!?! When I see my tiny list of things I wish I had done compared to my thankful list, I am amazed at how God blessed me!! I could have written even more in my thankful list! God's grace is beyond sufficient!!!! My baby girl is such a blessing to me!!! I am so thankful for having my love for her in my heart.
Those days with Janie Beth are on the forefront of my mind right now. I am blessed to have a dear friend having a baby in the next day or 2. It is a bittersweet walk I am on. The difference between her final pregnant days and my final pregnant days are extreme. But, I am so thankful for getting to walk these days with her. It has helped me in some ways to be excited for a baby that is healthy. But, it makes me wish my Janie Beth had been healthy and able to be here with us to have her picture taken with her new best friend. :) How different these days would be for me if she was here!! Thank You, Abba, for filling me and letting me enjoy and not mourn as I walk through these days. Don't get me wrong, I still cry!!! I wish my days had gotten to be like my friend's days, but it is the Lord's will that prevails. I would not want her to walk my days!!! I am excited to get to hold that precious baby girl in the next couple days, and we all know that I will cry. I just pray it isn't uncontrollably. :) I am thankful for a friend who knows that I will cry and isn't going to take it personally. I am thankful that she is willing to let me come and hold her baby, and for the privilege of watching her other precious children who warm my heart incredibly! My Father has blessed me and my family beyond measure through this precious family!!! We love you guys!!!!
Please pray for them and for us. She has been contracting for over a day now, and I am anxious to get a report this morning to see how things are going. Pray for me as this will be my first time back at the hospital and my first time to hold a baby since Janie Beth. Only God can make sense out of the massive amount of emotions going on in me!!
Abba Father, I love You!!!! Thank You for loving me and for the privilege of walking with Julie through these days. Show me the steps to take. Please don't let me drive her crazy! :) May Your mercy, grace, love, and peace reign down on her and her family as well as ours. Thank You for being big enough to do all that!! This is Your day, Lord. May You be lifted up and glorified. Please write my faith for each moment today and give me the strength for each moment. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen