Today was my first time to visit the cemetary by myself. It was nice, and God met me there. :) I was headed to Wal-Mart to grocery shop and I decided I would go visit Janie Beth first. Yet another lady is pregnant, and I was in need of some God time. The entire way to the cemetary I prayed and talked to God. I tried to sing some, but it is hard to sing when you are crying and congested. It began to rain more on my way there. I could tell that it had rained more already the further north I went, but I didn't really care I was going anyways. By the time I got there the rain was not even a drizzle. I brought my umbrella out of the van with me, but I never used it.
The first thing I notice when I get out of the van and look at her stone is a water streak right down the middle of the heart. It was so sad looking. It broke my heart in a way, and I couldn't put it into words why until Joey said that in his mind it looked broken. It looked sad because it looked like a broken heart. Anyways, I sat, squated really since I still had to go to the store I didn't want to get a wet behind :), there and talked to Janie Beth and talked to God. Low and behold, the sun peaks through the clouds and shines down on Janie's stone. The sun was too bright for me to look up. The entire sky was gray clouds except for this tiny spot. God is amazing!!! I continue to talking, and after a few minutes I notice that the wet streak is beginning to dry. The sun is drying the water. The Son is going to dry my tears!!!! Not only is the water drying, but the heart is becoming whole again. Can I get an AMEN!?! God will dry my tears and He will heal my broken heart and make me whole again!!!! My God is mighty to save!!! He is so good to me!
If I had gone to the cemetary yesterday like I thought about, I would have missed the sun. The sun would have been shining brightly and the sky so blue and I would have thought how beautiful, but I would have taken it all for granted. I noticed the sun today because of the rain. Through the storm I see the Son!! Without the storm so often He goes un-noticed. How sad!?! I prayed to God today while I was there that I would not forget the lessons He is teaching me through Janie Beth's journey. At the beginning of this journey I asked why I was thought worthy to walk this road because I really didn't want to be worthy to walk it. But now, I am realizing that God loved me enough to find me worthy to walk this road. He is teaching me deeper lessons and I am finding treasures under the huge stones that I have to move off the path in front of me to take another step.
There are many days where I am weary of this walk, but I am trying to ask "what" and "how" instead of "why" and "when". The journey is much easier when I keep my eyes focused on God and do not turn to the right or to the left. It is a hard thing to condition yourself to do. Paul didn't call it exercise for nothing!! :)
I thank you all for your continued prayers because there are many hard minutes, hours, and days. We are trying to find our new normal. The normal that is right for our family. It doesn't look normal to some others, but it will be normal for us.