3 months

Janie Beth would have been 3 months old today. I still miss her so much. I can almost feel her in my arms. It is like the wind. It is a glimpse of a feeling. It is like trying to hold the wind. My arms still ache for her. Her personality would have really been coming out, and she would have looked so cute in her spring clothes.

Not only are we on the 3 month anniversary of everything, but we are leading up to my birthday and Easter, which get to fall on the same day this year. Our first big holiday without her and my first birthday without her. She and Katie Jo would have had similar dresses for Easter, and Katie Jo would have been so proud.

But, she gets to celebrate the Risen Savior with the Risen Savior Himself!!!! How awesome is that!?! I will try to focus on that reality and not wallow in the fact that she isn't celebrating with me. I know she looks gorgeous in Heaven, much better than she would have looked here on earth for Easter.

I can't believe it has been 3 months already, but then it also feels longer. I feel as though the world is running on ahead beside me and I am doing my best to try to catch up. Katie Jo requested that I make muffins or pancakes for breakfast because it has been so long. :( I am making pancakes for lunch because everything was dirty, so the dishwasher is running right now. I feel like I am doing pretty well in my journey, but I can't seem to get back on our chore and washing schedule, or any schedule for that matter. Everytime I try something happens. That is the way life is!!! I want to find the skeleton of our schedule so that we aren't thrown for a loop when something comes up.

This week is going to be beautiful here in North Alabama! It has been wonderful being able to get outside. Like all things it is bittersweet because Janie Beth isn't here. There are times I watch the other 3 playing and I picture her being there too. From reading others blogs, I will always do that.

I really hope to get to the cemetary today. It is still cloudy right now, and I am not sure what the day holds, so I don't know if I will make it or not. I also want to right some thank you notes. It is horrible, but I am just now getting around to doing it! I have been so blessed!!!!!

Abba, thank you for allowing me to birth such a precious little girl 3 months ago. Please tell her I love her and give her an extra hug for me today. May You continue to hold me close and heal my pain. Only You can go that deep in my heart. May Your grace fill the cracks. Thank You for Your compassion, grace, and mercy. Thank You for hope! You are amazing! Thank You for chosing me to be Janie Beth's mommy!! I miss her so much, but there is no better place for her to be. :) May You please bless us and keep us this week. May You send encouragement my way this week. I love You. May You be lifted up and glorified through me today and this week. In Jesus' name I pray.