Yesterday was a day filled with firsts. The firsts are HARD!!! Yesterday made it one week since Janie Beth went to Heaven. I drove for the first time. We went to our home school group for the first time. We played on the playground for the first time. I had a very difficult morning. I know there are many more firsts to come, and by God's grace we will make it one at a time. I was blessed to have hugs from friends and after chatting with a few, not just about Janie Beth, I felt so much better. Thank you, ladies!!! You will never know how you ministered to me just being there talking to me! I was able to go home and nap and the afternoon and evening went much better. I even cleaned out the bassinet. We will be giving all of our baby furniture things to my sister, who is due August 13. I also told the kids that she is expecting. I know I will have many moments as we walk the journey of her pregnancy, but I pray I can enjoy it. My main fear is her baby replacing Janie Beth in the hearts of my kids and family. Once again, God will guide me through. He is faithful!!!
It also hit me in the early hours this morning that in a few days I will see my precious Janie Beth for the last time here on Earth. I could cry just sitting here thinking about it. I long to hold her so badly. It has only been a week, but it feels so long ago! This weekend will be very hard and I covet your prayers in the final preparations and living those days. It is supposed to snow today, but I am hoping to get to the store for Katie Jo to buy Janie Beth's baby doll. I received a mother daughter bracelet set yesterday. I can't wait to put Janie Beth's on and have her hand and my hand with our bracelets on in a picture. I haven't decided if I will leave the bracelet on Janie Beth or not. They are so pretty!! I may order one for Katie Jo in the near future too.
Today has another first. We will watch our first Alabama game without Janie Beth. I am pretty sure her pink lamb will watch with me. :) If it snows, it will be the first snow without Janie Beth. She even got hit by a snow ball when it snowed last time. :) I will forever cherish those memories.
Lord God Almighty, please hold me close to Your heart today. May I be thankful for this day a week ago when I got to hold my baby girl and cherish her and bathe her. Thank You for allowing me to take her for a walk and a car ride. I will forever be thankful for the time You gave me with her. Thank You for making me Janie Beth's mommy!! Thank You for making me Josiah, Katie Jo, and Eli's mommy. They make me smile and laugh everyday! Abba, keep my focus on You as the days get harder. May Your hope and peace and love continue to fill me and surround me. I need You!! Thank You for being so real in my life! I love You, Father! In Jesus' name I pray. Amen