Janie Beth has been heavy on my heart today. She has been on my mind a lot, which I don't mind. I love to think of her! I can almost feel her in my arms and feel the wrinkles on her forehead. She is so precious. I miss her so much. Tomorrow she would have turned 1 month. WOW! Has it been that long!?! Are you sure it hasn't been longer!?! How silly does that sound? Katie Jo's birthday is Saturday, and maybe that is compounding my thoughts about Janie Beth too. Katie Jo really wanted Janie Beth to be born on her birthday.
Even with the sadness that fills my heart, I am so greatful!! I have God's peace in my heart. Janie Beth has done so much for me. God's power through her tiny body is amazing!!! She has touched me, my marriage, and my family. My life wouldn't be the same without her. She has revived my marriage, brought my family closer, and challenged me. How does someone so tiny do all that!?! Through God, that is how! She has touched so many lives, and will continue to do so through mine and Joey's lives. Oh, I would love to hold her and have her touch lives by being here, but she wouldn't have been able to do as much for the Kingdom from earth. Thank You, Abba, for showing me flowers that You are growing in my new garden!!! When I look at Janie Beth's picture where she is looking at me and holding my finger, I feel as though God is reaching out to me.
He never brings sorrow into my life that isn't good for me. Everything that comes my way must be filtered through His hands. Through my sorrow I am learning to faith God more and have a true reverence for Him. Those things don't come through the easy times, sadly. I am reading a book by Nancy Guthrie called "Holding on to Hope". She lost 2 babies to Zellweger's Syndrome, they each lived around 6 months. She journeyed through Job after losing Hope, her second child first loss. It is almost like she read my mind. LOL I am so thankful for all that God has done in my life up until this point!!! I am thankful for the grieving process that I had to through in my childhood, teenage years, and even early twenties. (It took me a long time. :)) That prepared me for this. Going through the "Believing God" Bible study by Beth Moore taught me and showed me God's hand in my past. AMAZING!!!! I have no doubt after seeing His hand in my past that His hand is all over my journey and working it all for my good. Thank You, Lord God Almighty, that You know exactly what is coming and exactly what I need to be prepared!! Thank You for Your grace and mercy. Thank You, Jesus, for being my Savior!!!
How can I say thanks for the things You have done for me?
Things so undeserved, yet You gave to prove Your love for me;
the voices of a million angels could not express my gratitude.
All that I am and ever hope to be, I owe it all to Thee.
To God be the glory,
to God be the glory,
to God be the glory,
for the things He has done.
With His blood He has saved me,
with His power He has raised me;
to God be the glory for the things He has done.
Just let me live my life,
let it be pleasing, Lord to Thee,
and if I gain any praise,
let it go to Calvary.
I love You, Abba Father!!!