This is the post that I started Friday night and I just now finished. Thank you all for your many prayers yesterday! Please continue them today. Father, walk with me into church and down every hallway and into my pew. Do not leave my side because I need You!!! Thank You for the promise that You will never leave me.
After I talked about the army crawl the other day, Joey did some thinking about it and shared some things with me that I want to share with you. The army crawl is much more than just slithering around on the ground trying to pull your body with your arms. For a soldier it is a life and death matter. It keeps them below the enemy fire. God knows that I am weak and need to stay low below the enemies main fire right now. God is hedging me before and behind (Psalm 139).
Soldiers have to have physical training. Many of their physical training activities are to get the muscles ready to do the army crawl. The exercises are to prepare them and tone them for the crisis time that they will possibly endure as they go into battle. I am amazed when I look back at my life how much God has prepared me and toned my spiritual muscles to get me ready for this battle and be able to crawl as I begin to slowly climb out of this deep canyon that I am in. God has brought me further than I ever thought He had. I have been through multiple Bible studies that have changed my life and helped me through some issues in my life. He has shown me through some Bible studies that His hand has been on my life before I even knew He was there. He has proven Himself faithful in my life!!! He has worked all things in my life and He is completely in control. When I really look at myself I don't even recognize me because He has changed me so much, and when we are through this battle I will recognize myself even less.
Who am I that He would chose to draw me closer? In John 10:10 Jesus says that He came that we may have life and have it more abundantly. Janie Beth is experiencing the maximum abundance of life!!! And through her life I am learning to experience life more abundantly. How amazing that God can do that!!! I love her and miss her terribly, but she is having an AWESOME time and I would never want to really take her away from her heavenly Father where life is as abundant as it can get. God made my body able to grief her and be joyful for her at the same time.
I am a little numb this morning. I have no doubt that I have put up some walls as we face our first normal Sunday back at church, and I also have no doubt that they will tumble very quickly, probably before I even get there. Yet, I am excited to go to worship as well. God is really working on changing my perspective on my journey. For more reasons than I will ever know, God has surrounded me with pregnant people. I have decided that I will look at this as a time that I can minister to each of these precious women and walk their journeys with them. There will be many tears shed, but I will rejoice with them, and one day maybe they will rejoice with me. Only by the grace of God can I even begin to change my perspective. Or maybe I should say that God is changing my heart because that is something that I cannot do on my own accord! I am much to weak for that, even on "normal" days.
Thank You Abba that You have prepared me! Thank You, Father, for allowing me to see Your hand in my life through my past and even in these difficult days. Thank You for the hugs I will get today. Thank You for an awesome church family. Thank You for helping me crawl through this danger zone! Lord, may this morning be a time of worship. May You be lifted up and glorified. May lives be changed through Janie Beth's continuing journey. Lord, do exceedingly abundantly above all I could ever ask or think today. Thank You for already doing far beyond my imagination. I need You!! Please help me through today and carry me as we do the army crawl together up this muddy slippery canyon. Write my faith and give me strength for every moment. I love You! In Jesus' name I pray. Amen