"And the Lord your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your descendants, to love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, that you may live." Deuteronomy 30:6

but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and forever. Amen.
2 Peter 3:18

Monday, January 4, 2010

January 4, 2010

I meant to get on yesterday and update during the afternoon, but my computer is having issues. I am using Joey's right now. The parking went ok. We even went in a different door since the kids didn't come with us. I think in a couple weeks when we go back it will be more difficult because we will be back in our old routine.

Worship was wonderful. The music was beautiful. It made me so thankful that I am washed in the blood of the Lamb so that one day I will see my precious Janie Beth again. We sang "Washed in the Blood of the Lamb", "Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)", "When I think about the Lord", and "Hear the Call of the Kingdom". Each one spoke to me in a different way.

"Washed in the Blood of the Lamb":
Janie Beth is washed in the blood as am I. We will one day be together again. Jesus died for both of us. She is white as snow right now in God's eyes!!

"Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)"
WOW!!!! Grace is what I am leaning on every moment. I wish I had a copy of all the words we sang because they fit so well.

"When I Think About the Lord"
He will heal me. He healed Janie Beth. He will fill me. He loves me.

"Hear the Call of the Kingdom"
We have no idea what our journey is doing for the Kingdom. We are to walk with Jesus and show Him to others.

The message was about giving. It started in I Timothy 6:17-19. It talks about giving, financially. We have to realize that everything belongs to God. "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord." -Job That is extremely hard to say sometimes. My heart hurts so much because Janie Beth was taken away, but we had given her to God in the beginning before we ever knew anything was wrong. I did apologize to God last night because if He had left it up to me, I would not have given her back to Him in death. Abraham was one amazing man of faith!! Job 41:11 says "Everything under the heaven is Mine." That pretty much says it all! God does know what is for the best because He is all-knowing.

Job 42:5 "I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You." (Can you tell what book in the Bible I turned to during the sermon? lol) How true this is for me right now! My eyes truly see what all God has taught me. The songs we sang meant more because I have experienced God in a more intimate way than I ever have. I am having to Lean on His Everlasting Arms moment by moment. He is more real to me. Oh, how I wish I could have experienced Him in an intimate way through something good!!!! Why does it always take tragedy!?!

Today is going to be a very difficult day!!! Joey and I are going to meet with the funeral home, we think, and the cemetary. My baby girl really isn't coming home. Ouch! We are also going to take her crib down. This makes reality even more real. Oh, how I want to feel her and hold her and kiss her and talk to her. I would love to watch her sleep in that crib. The pain goes so deep, and only God can go deeper. I have put a couple pictures on the frig that the kids took, and I could stand there and stare at them for hours. I even touch them. I opened up the lotion I put on her last night so I could smell her. Just a waft filled my eyes with tears. She is so beautiful and precious.

I am thankful that God's peace is with me. That is the main thing I do not want to lose during this journey. I need that reassurance. I am thankful that God gives me good moments in with the bad moments. I am so thankful to Jesus that He died for me and I am washed in His blood and I will one day enter Heaven too. What a day of rejoicing that will be! To see Janie Beth, but even more to see the One who loved me enough to die for me. His sacrifice is more real to me now. The fact that He loves my baby girl even more than I do, and loves me that much also. WOW!! Once again, it took tragedy for me to draw nearer in this way.

Just a side note, I sit around most of the day with the scent of cabbage about me. :) Thank you for your many prayers! I can feel them, and when I am having a really rough moment I ask God to burden the saints to pray. Today will be hard on many levels, and your prayers will be needed every time we cross your mind. Thank you!!! (sorry I went so long, I hope it all makes some semblence of sense.)


  1. ((((((HUGS)))))))
    I'm glad you were able to get to church and even tackle the parking issue. Your testimony of what you learned during church is inspiring. I'm not sure if you really can comprehend it, but your journey has been an inspiring blessing to many around the world. Thanks for being so vulnerable and sharing with us through your blog etc of what you are going through. I do keep you in prayer. I will continue to keep you in prayer today as you possibly meet with the funeral home and cemetery people. thank you for keeping us up to date with your prayer needs. Now we know how to pray for you specifically.

    ahh..cabbage, I pray that the pain and tenderness etc will go away soon. If only they could bottle that up into some type of lotion and add a pretty scent, instead of having cabbage leaves. But then again, we as humans can't always reproduce exactly the creation that the Lord has made!

    Love, "D"

  2. I'm glad you went to worship yesterday, and it surely does sound like the Lord has drawn you so close to Him. Not only with the sermon, but the music and I'm sure with the people there. You both will remain in my prayers throughout this day. I have a close friend who lost her young husband a month ago, and I shared your story with her last night. She, much like you guys, is walking very closely with the Lord, and she is actively keeping you in prayer, as is my church family. So you have many prayers from sisters and brothers in Christ coming your way from the Northeast as well. Keeping you in prayer today. Marybeth

  3. I and a few friends have been praying much for your family as you walk this journey. I want you to know that I will continue to keep my friends updated on what to pray for, and I will continue to pray for you. Helping to pray you along this path that you walk has helped me to draw nearer to God, thank you for sharing what you are going through, and allowing us to help you through prayer. Know that you will be on my heart today.
    ~ Heffalump (PW Board)

  4. Your honesty is humbling. You, Joey and Janie Beth have changed us forever. As we lift you up in prayer we cry our hearts out. We can not imagine....Then we hug our precious children. We get on our knees and thank God for them and pray.
    I pray for your family. I plead the blood of Jesus over each of you. May He put a hedge of protection around you as you travel through the valley. I pray you physically feel His presence and feel He is with you every step of the way.
    You are blessed and highly favored among women.

  5. Praying for strength for each hour today as you walk the walk in going to the funeral home and taking down the crib. There was closure on this earth for Janie Beth but the gates of heaven opened up. So there is peace knowing she is in our Saviors arms. Praying for you, shedding tears with you.

  6. Here is Chris Tomlins lyrics below-I love this song too. I saw you in Church. Joey's body language towards you Michele was perfect. God is so good.Amazing grace
    How sweet the sound
    That saved a wretch like me
    I once was lost, but now I'm found
    Was blind, but now I see
    'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
    And grace my fears relieved
    How precious did that grace appear
    The hour I first believed
    My chains are gone
    I've been set free
    My God, my Savior has ransomed me
    And like a flood His mercy rains
    Unending love, Amazing grace

    The Lord has promised good to me
    His word my hope secures
    He will my shield and portion be
    As long as life endures

    The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
    The sun forbear to shine
    But God, Who called me here below
    Will be forever mine
    Will be forever mine
    You are forever mine
    Kyle J.

  7. To Joey and Michelle:
    My name is Denise. I live in Des Moines, Iowa. I was born with brittle bone disease 52 years ago. Your story/testimony reminded me SO much of my dad's, when I was born, except that I was a miracle, and I am still alive on forthis Earth.

    Dad went Home to be with the Lord about 3 years ago. He was such a godly man. He KNEW who was in charge...He would use John 9:1-4, and I Samuel 16:7, when he would talk to people a
    bout me. And, now, whenever I go and talk to groups of people, I do the same.

    Please know, that you and your family are/will be in my prayers. Take care,

    Denise Moore
    Des Moines, Iowa

  8. I am glad you made it to worshiip, it took me longer to get there. I am praising God He is giving you so much strength and I know it is hard. You need to listen to Watermark, they have some songs that are awesome. Like Glory Baby, they had a miscarrage and it is about how Heaven is for their baby. Also "More than You ever Know" really spoke to me as well. It reminds me of my husband who is always by my side walking with me like Jesus is. Praying all went well at the funeral home. That is very hard. I still have difficulty going back to the funeral home that buried Katlin. Praying for you! sleeplessnga

  9. Know that I DO pray for you & your DH & family every time you come to my mind- which has been a LOT lately. May you rest in God's comforting arms dear Sister. (((((HUGS))))) & Love & Prayers.
    Debbie(aka Momblob3-Fishbowl)