I meant to get on yesterday and update during the afternoon, but my computer is having issues. I am using Joey's right now. The parking went ok. We even went in a different door since the kids didn't come with us. I think in a couple weeks when we go back it will be more difficult because we will be back in our old routine.
Worship was wonderful. The music was beautiful. It made me so thankful that I am washed in the blood of the Lamb so that one day I will see my precious Janie Beth again. We sang "Washed in the Blood of the Lamb", "Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)", "When I think about the Lord", and "Hear the Call of the Kingdom". Each one spoke to me in a different way.
"Washed in the Blood of the Lamb":
Janie Beth is washed in the blood as am I. We will one day be together again. Jesus died for both of us. She is white as snow right now in God's eyes!!
"Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)"
WOW!!!! Grace is what I am leaning on every moment. I wish I had a copy of all the words we sang because they fit so well.
"When I Think About the Lord"
He will heal me. He healed Janie Beth. He will fill me. He loves me.
"Hear the Call of the Kingdom"
We have no idea what our journey is doing for the Kingdom. We are to walk with Jesus and show Him to others.
The message was about giving. It started in I Timothy 6:17-19. It talks about giving, financially. We have to realize that everything belongs to God. "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord." -Job That is extremely hard to say sometimes. My heart hurts so much because Janie Beth was taken away, but we had given her to God in the beginning before we ever knew anything was wrong. I did apologize to God last night because if He had left it up to me, I would not have given her back to Him in death. Abraham was one amazing man of faith!! Job 41:11 says "Everything under the heaven is Mine." That pretty much says it all! God does know what is for the best because He is all-knowing.
Job 42:5 "I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You." (Can you tell what book in the Bible I turned to during the sermon? lol) How true this is for me right now! My eyes truly see what all God has taught me. The songs we sang meant more because I have experienced God in a more intimate way than I ever have. I am having to Lean on His Everlasting Arms moment by moment. He is more real to me. Oh, how I wish I could have experienced Him in an intimate way through something good!!!! Why does it always take tragedy!?!
Today is going to be a very difficult day!!! Joey and I are going to meet with the funeral home, we think, and the cemetary. My baby girl really isn't coming home. Ouch! We are also going to take her crib down. This makes reality even more real. Oh, how I want to feel her and hold her and kiss her and talk to her. I would love to watch her sleep in that crib. The pain goes so deep, and only God can go deeper. I have put a couple pictures on the frig that the kids took, and I could stand there and stare at them for hours. I even touch them. I opened up the lotion I put on her last night so I could smell her. Just a waft filled my eyes with tears. She is so beautiful and precious.
I am thankful that God's peace is with me. That is the main thing I do not want to lose during this journey. I need that reassurance. I am thankful that God gives me good moments in with the bad moments. I am so thankful to Jesus that He died for me and I am washed in His blood and I will one day enter Heaven too. What a day of rejoicing that will be! To see Janie Beth, but even more to see the One who loved me enough to die for me. His sacrifice is more real to me now. The fact that He loves my baby girl even more than I do, and loves me that much also. WOW!! Once again, it took tragedy for me to draw nearer in this way.
Just a side note, I sit around most of the day with the scent of cabbage about me. :) Thank you for your many prayers! I can feel them, and when I am having a really rough moment I ask God to burden the saints to pray. Today will be hard on many levels, and your prayers will be needed every time we cross your mind. Thank you!!! (sorry I went so long, I hope it all makes some semblence of sense.)