The Army Crawl

Last night I realized that I should have called yesterdays post the army crawl instead of our first steps. The army crawl describes the way that I make it through some days better than steps. I am on my belly pulling myself along with my arms. I know this will turn into a crawl on all fours followed by cruising along and then I will walk, run, and dance. I realized that I will hit all of Janie Beth's milestones in my personal spiritual walk instead of watching her hit the milestones. And like a child, I will fall. Even as I survive by the Army crawl right now, there are times when I make it on all fours, sometimes even take a few steps, but I fall back down and have to roll over and pull myself along again. I know that when I am crawling on all fours I will also fall as I learn to cruise along (usually holding the hand of family or friends). As I learn to walk I will trip and fall and have to pick myself back up again. Actually that isn't correct! God will pick me back up. He will reach down His hand and take mine and help me rise again while His other hand is resting on my back to guide me.

I felt that Hand on my back just a few days ago. I was having a hard moment and was crying out to God. I felt that I needed to go in the kitchen and read through the Bible verses that I have posted in there. As I walked from the living room into the kitchen I felt His hand guiding me along with each step. He was giving me strength to do what I needed to do at that moment. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" phil 4:13. It was so comforting, and after praying through the verses I was full of peace and hope again.

I shared with Joey what God had shown me as far as my milestones on this journey, and he had a Bible verse to go with it. It couldn't be more perfect in a myriad of ways.

Isaiah 40:28-31
Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall,
but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles,
they shall run and not be weary,
they shall walk and not faint.

God is everlasting! I can always depend on Him! "His understanding is unsearchable" Only God truly understands how I feel and how to best to heal me. He gives me power. I don't have much might sometimes right now and He gives me strength. I will fall on this journey, but I am waiting on the Lord and He will mount me up with wings like eagles. He will help me learn to run and not be weary and learn to walk and not faint.

We enjoyed our morning today. It is always easier to be with friends because I don't think about Janie Beth as much. There were still a few moments that she got to me. :) I look forward to seeing friends at church tonight, but it pains me to go without Janie Beth. It will have hard moments, but God will bring me through. He will even bless me as He does! How awesome is that!?!

Father, may You bless us and keep us. May You make Your face to shine upon us and be gracious to us. May You lift up Your countenance upon us and give us peace. Abba, be my strength and my might as I walk, or crawl, through the rest of this day. May Your presence guide me. Please bless our evening in fellowship with believers. Lord, may You continue to be glorified through Janie Beth's journey! Thank You for blessing me with such a precious daughter. I miss her and love her so much. Please go deeper than my pain and begin to mold my heart back together. Thank You for Joey who is walking beside me and praying for me. Thank You for Josiah, Katie Jo, and Eli who love me and help me laugh. You have blessed me beyond words!! I love You! In Jesus' name I pray. Amen