"And the Lord your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your descendants, to love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, that you may live." Deuteronomy 30:6

but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and forever. Amen.
2 Peter 3:18

Saturday, January 16, 2010


I started to write my post yesterday to share some more of what God has shown me, but I do not have the heart to finish it this morning, so it will be posted when God is ready.

I don't even know where to start. IT HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel so alone. It seems as though God has pulled every one I have leaned on out from under me. He wants me to only lean on Him, but I want to wrestle Him and tell Him I need someone with skin on. God says, you know who had skin on that knows exactly how you feel, Jesus. But, God I can't feel His arms around me. And He says, then feel your husband's arms around you. I do, but I always want more. Why can't I ever be satisfied!?! I want someone who has walked in these shoes beside me and walking with me. And they still are, but it isn't the way I wanted it. I want so much to be able to rejoice with all my friends, but instead it brings the pain up even closer. God, how I am supposed to do this?? He tells me to look at the name of my blog, Leaning on the Everlasting Arms, and I must do that a moment at a time. If I look further it hurts too much to see how long this road is that stretches out in front of me.

Thank You, Abba that You are with me every inch of the way. I need You. Help me to lean on You first, my husband second, and then everyone else. Please, I beg You, to go deeper than my pain and begin to heal me. Begin to mold me back together and give me beauty for ashes.

The words "help me" come from my mouth constantly right now in my cries to God. I do not see how people walk this road without Him. He is the One holding me up and binding me together.

I believe that I am in need of church tomorrow. It will be incredibly hard to be there for the first time with the kids and doing our normal routine. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it, and I have finally stopped crying for the moment. But, I also need to feel the Spirit of God in the fellowship of other believers. Please do not avoid me and my pain. Please acknowledge my baby girl!!! I need to know you care and you are praying. When I am standing at the train table and look 10,00 miles away, please give me a hug. Don't worry if I have tears constantly streaming down my face, they won't hurt you. They are for the cries in my heart on the outside.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and for continuing to check in on me. Please let me know, especially when I don't see you. Thank you for acknowledging my baby girl and my pain! If I cross your mind, please say a prayer, and if you get a chance drop me a note somehow or give me a call. I am trying to lean on God, but I also need to know you are with me still as I embark on the harder part of this journey. As we get back to our routine a little more as we go, it gets harder.

I don't know if this post even makes sense. I just typed what was on my heart this morning. I love you all!


  1. It is so brave of you to write and share your heart. I know your journey is helping and will help others as they see and read how God is carrying you through this and healing your broken heart.

  2. I know. Long distance ((((HUGS)))). Love ya. Praying for you all day today! "D"

  3. Schelle, I so wish I could help you with your pain and even take some of it away from you and carry it for you. I Love You and I'm Always Here For You, for whenever, whatever.

    Love You,


  4. Hey girlfriend, your post makes perfect sense. I know you said you didn't know if it did, but it does. And while I can't fellowship with you in person, we are sisters in Christ and I'm right there with you. Although an online friend, I've found through the years that such support is given and received across the miles. So I'm sending you mine tonight. You remain in my prayers. Marybeth

  5. Michelle,

    I know that these new circumstances make it more challenging for you to feel like you can lean on me, but I am still here! I'm not going anywhere. I love you and am praying for you all the time. You are not alone! One of Satan's tricks is to make us think we are alone, but you are not!!! Don't believe that lie!! Many, many people love you and are praying for you and will not forget you, your family, or Janie Beth! In almost every conversation I have with family and friends outside my own home, people ask me about you. How's your friend? Praying, praying, praying for you!!!