On my heart

First off, I am sorry that I have been away so long! I have several posts going through my head, but I have not had time to sit and type them. :) My notes for a couple of them are in my room, and we are letting Joey sleep out this morning. He has been working extra hard the last 4 days, and the kids and I are very proud of him!!

Last night, Joey and I discussed what we would do Christmas Eve. Some of my family gets together that night, but we have decided to spend that night just our family. This is Janie Beth's Christmas Eve and I want us to spend it just us. We are going to church and then we will let the kids each open one gift. Then, we plan to watch a little movie together, and I think we may load up the car in our jammies and go look at lights one more time.

It hit me this morning that this could very well be Janie Beth's only Christmas Eve. I wish I could see her enjoy this Christmas, and maybe she will grace me with some big movements that we as a family can watch. She let Josiah and I see her in church, which I believe is her favorite place. She moves more there than anywhere. :) She knows who her Father is and Whose handas she is in.

I want to capture every moment of her last days inside me. I don't feel like we have much longer until her arrival, and it saddens me to know that our time together is ending. We are going today to get the last few things for the hospital bags. I go to the doctor on Monday and we want to have everything ready by then. Those bags are going to be so hard to pack!! I also need to make my phone list and list of things I want to make sure we do with her. As I celebrate my Savior's birth, I can't help but think of Janie Beth's impending birth. I am so thankful that my Savior was born and then raised from the dead so that He can take my precious Janie Beth by the hand and lead her to Heaven, whenever that day may be. And that fact that while He is doing that, His hand will also lead me down a path that will be so hard to walk.

But, God is faithful and He gave me an awesome verse the other day. A dear friend gave me a blessings book and it is based on Psalm 84:6. "When they walk throught the valley of weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs." It could not have gone better with my whole flower blooming/garden growing theme I was on the other day. I realized that flowers need 2 main things to grow; sun and water. Well, the flowers that grow from this journey need the Son and water as well. It just so happens that the water for my plants will come from my own tears. From my weeping will spring an amazing garden that will bring God such glory!! Itsn't that the whole reason we are here. No matter how long or short a life, it is all about God's ultimate plan and glory. Janie Beth will bring God glory through her life, no matter how long. She will continue to bring God glory even after she is gone, and this should be my goal as well.

This is not the path I invisioned for myself, but I am thankful that God has brought me on this path. This path is what is best for me and what will bring God the most glory. Janie Beth has answered so many of my prayers, and I will share that in another post soon. She is so special and precious and I am so thankful that God chose me to be her mother!!!!